Yes even though the calendar says S P R I N G.... the snow, to me, still says WINTER! We got more snow this weekend, it started on Good Friday. Totals ranged from 10.5 inches in Gurnee area to a couple of inches further south... I think our area was 5 or so.
Enough already. I agree bunnies are at times fluffy and white... but made from snow?
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Please Hear What I’m Not Saying
Don’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks, masks that I’m afraid to take off, and none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that’s second nature with me, but don’t be fooled.
For God’s sake don’t be fooled.
I give you the impression that I’m secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without, that confidence is my name and coolness is my game, that the water’s calm and I’m in command, and that I need no one.
But don’t believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask, ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being exposed.
That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind, a nonchalant sophisticated façade, to help me pretend, to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation. My only hope and I know it.
That is, if it’s followed by acceptance, if it’s followed by love.
It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself, from my own self-built prison walls, from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It’s the only thing that will assure me of what I can’t assure myself, that I’m really worth something.
But I don’t tell you this. I don’t dare, I’m afraid to.
I’m afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance, will not be followed by love.
I’m afraid you’ll think less of me, that you’ll laugh, and your laugh will kill me.
I’m afraid that deep down I’m nothing, that I’m just no good, and that you will see this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate pretending game, with a façade of assurance without and a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks, and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that’s really nothing, and nothing of what’s everything, of what’s crying within me.
So when I’m going through my routine, do not be fooled by what I’m saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m not saying, what I’d like to be able to say, what for survival I need to say, but what I can’t say.
I don’t like to hide.
I don’t like to play superficial phoney games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me, but you’ve got to help me.
You’ve got to hold out your hand even with that’s the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you’re kind and gentle and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings, very small wings, very feeble wings, but wings!
With your power to touch me into feeling you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me, how you can be a creator, an honest to God creator, of the person that is me, if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble, you alone can remove my mask, you alone can release me from my shadow world of panic and uncertainty, from my lonely prison, if you choose to.
Please choose to.
Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me the blinder I may strike back.
It’s irrational, but despite what the books say about man, often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger the strong walls, and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands but with gentle hands for a child is very sensitive.
Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet and I am every woman you meet.
Charles C. Finn
*************************************************************************************
I bought this book recently, like yesterday recently, it's called Healing the Child Within - and just quickly flipping thru pages I came across this poem that really speaks to me. I didn't grow up within an alcoholic family but I DEFINATELY grew up in a very dsyfunctional family. Rarely and I do mean rarely did we hear the words, I LOVE YOU, or you did wonderful on that, or what a great child I have. No we heard you fucking kids are the reason.... (fill in the blank), I wish I never had you kids... your stupid, what a stupid idea, your ugly, why can't you be like.... (fill in the blank) - I learned very quickly how NOT to show emotion or express my feelings, I learned quickly how to be the 'perfect' child but somehow.... it was NEVER perfect enough.
I continually seek to find how to heal this pain.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks, masks that I’m afraid to take off, and none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that’s second nature with me, but don’t be fooled.
For God’s sake don’t be fooled.
I give you the impression that I’m secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without, that confidence is my name and coolness is my game, that the water’s calm and I’m in command, and that I need no one.
But don’t believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask, ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being exposed.
That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind, a nonchalant sophisticated façade, to help me pretend, to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation. My only hope and I know it.
That is, if it’s followed by acceptance, if it’s followed by love.
It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself, from my own self-built prison walls, from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It’s the only thing that will assure me of what I can’t assure myself, that I’m really worth something.
But I don’t tell you this. I don’t dare, I’m afraid to.
I’m afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance, will not be followed by love.
I’m afraid you’ll think less of me, that you’ll laugh, and your laugh will kill me.
I’m afraid that deep down I’m nothing, that I’m just no good, and that you will see this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate pretending game, with a façade of assurance without and a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks, and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that’s really nothing, and nothing of what’s everything, of what’s crying within me.
So when I’m going through my routine, do not be fooled by what I’m saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m not saying, what I’d like to be able to say, what for survival I need to say, but what I can’t say.
I don’t like to hide.
I don’t like to play superficial phoney games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me, but you’ve got to help me.
You’ve got to hold out your hand even with that’s the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you’re kind and gentle and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings, very small wings, very feeble wings, but wings!
With your power to touch me into feeling you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me, how you can be a creator, an honest to God creator, of the person that is me, if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble, you alone can remove my mask, you alone can release me from my shadow world of panic and uncertainty, from my lonely prison, if you choose to.
Please choose to.
Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me the blinder I may strike back.
It’s irrational, but despite what the books say about man, often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger the strong walls, and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands but with gentle hands for a child is very sensitive.
Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet and I am every woman you meet.
Charles C. Finn
*************************************************************************************
I bought this book recently, like yesterday recently, it's called Healing the Child Within - and just quickly flipping thru pages I came across this poem that really speaks to me. I didn't grow up within an alcoholic family but I DEFINATELY grew up in a very dsyfunctional family. Rarely and I do mean rarely did we hear the words, I LOVE YOU, or you did wonderful on that, or what a great child I have. No we heard you fucking kids are the reason.... (fill in the blank), I wish I never had you kids... your stupid, what a stupid idea, your ugly, why can't you be like.... (fill in the blank) - I learned very quickly how NOT to show emotion or express my feelings, I learned quickly how to be the 'perfect' child but somehow.... it was NEVER perfect enough.
I continually seek to find how to heal this pain.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
GOD has a sense of humor
I can remember as a kid growing up in Indiana some brutal winters, cold, snow, etc. But with the issue of global warming Chicago has become a milder place in the winter. Well didn't seem so this winter. We've had more snow than we've had of recent winters and some down right bitter and below normal temps.
But we finally saw a glipse of spring the other day, this is where God's sense of humor comes in... Thursday and Friday were in the mid 50's it damn near felt like a heatwave, kids out in shorts, folks outside with out coats, bunnies in the yard. Well it was like God was waving a carrot in our face, or in my case... chocolate, because Saturday it all came to an end, the carrot was ripped away and it was chilly again. And today when I was out on my run, I know I saw snow flakes. I had REALLY hoped we were done with the cold and snow, but someone else has another idea.
Oh well soon enough grasshopper, soon enough.
But we finally saw a glipse of spring the other day, this is where God's sense of humor comes in... Thursday and Friday were in the mid 50's it damn near felt like a heatwave, kids out in shorts, folks outside with out coats, bunnies in the yard. Well it was like God was waving a carrot in our face, or in my case... chocolate, because Saturday it all came to an end, the carrot was ripped away and it was chilly again. And today when I was out on my run, I know I saw snow flakes. I had REALLY hoped we were done with the cold and snow, but someone else has another idea.
Oh well soon enough grasshopper, soon enough.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Cruise - WHAT a vacation!
This was my first cruise experience but by no means will it be my last! What a FAB vacation. Left COLD and SNOWY Chicago on Sat 2/2 bound for Miami was a tad concerned because it started snowing here on Thursday, snowed all day, not stopping until sometime Friday, we got around 8 to 10", but thankfully what ever mess happened with cancelled flights on Friday was pretty much cleared up by Saturday - our flight was about 20 minutes late, no big deal. Oh boy Miami was so nice and warm! Stayed overnight as our cruise didn't leave until Sunday...
Got up Sunday took a run toward the Port of Miami but couldn't get to the ship... we got shooed away by security, but from where we were we could see our ship, Freedom of the Seas, and boy was she H U G E! Got back to the hotel, showered, ate breakfast and then figured might as well head to the port of Miami. We were on the Royal Carribean line and I was told its the best line and I have to say I'd agree. From the moment we got there, from checking in, till the time we left, the staff was wonderful. We actually got to board much sooner than we thought, but could not go to out staterooms until 2pm - the ship had just docked in Miami with another 4000+ passengers and they have to turn that ship around for the next group - was ok with me plenty to explore.
I was in awe from the moment I stepped on board. Not only a huge ship but beautiful inside, just beautiful, the manner in which this place was decked out rivals any top of the line hotel. 14 decks to explore. There were even parts of the ship we never saw. Our stateroom was on deck 2, it was small but why pay for a huge room when the reality is you don't or at least we didn't spend a lot of time there.
We left the dock Sunday around 5:30pm. Monday was an entire day at sea. After leaving cold and snowy Chicago, it was nice to bask in the warmth of the sun... of course I could have done without the bit of red I got :o) - the joy of being a redhead, who wasn't smart enough to put sunscreen on earlier.
Tuesday was our stop in Labadee Haiti where we did a kayaking excursion... UM never kayaked before but I think once I got the hang of it we were ok.. of course I feel on my ass just trying to get in the thing - tis ok plenty of cushion back there.
Wednesday found us in Ocho Rios Jamacia - there about 12 or so from our group had a private catamaran excursion - what a BLAST! We were taken to a snorkeling spot where our guide dove down and brought up a sea urchin, we all got to hold it and then he asked if we'd like to feed the fish... so he chipped away at this sea urchin, creating a hole in the side and the fish came from everywhere to feed on it, it was so cool, it was like they were literally eating out of your hand and well... they were.. Then he went down again and this time brought up a black spiny star fish. After snorkeling we head over to Dunn River Falls where we got to climb the actual water fall - 900 feet up - it was so much work and so much fun- then it was back on the catamaran to head back to the dock - the rum punch was flowing on the way back - the crew was a blast. Once back we headed to Margaritaville for some lunch and of course a Margarita!
Thursday had us in Grand Cayman - one of my favorite spots but I prefer the East end of the island to the touristy 7 mile beach area - but Kevin and I did a snorkeling adventure - the boat crew and other passengers weren't as cool as our Jamacia adventure, but the fish were certainly more plentifiul. We snorkeled in two spots, a shipwreck area, hell even without the fish just checking out this sunken ship was neat, then 2nd stop was a reef area.
Friday found us in Cozumel - this day we decided to shop and pick up souveniers. We found this interesting little bar where we had a huge frozen Margarita - brain freeze in a pretty glass - come to find out the owners were from Virginia and Hungary, they met on a cruise ship where they worked, fell in love and once the contracts were up, jumped ship for Cozumel and opened a bar.
Saturday was another day at Sea and then back in port on Sunday. The food onboard the ship was great, no matter if you ate in the dining room or in one of the cafe's, everything was good. Our head waiter in the dining room was wonderful, always making suggestions for the menu and/or wine, got us whatever we wanted and on lobster night, even put extra lobsters in the center of the table for all to enjoy, he did the same thing on surf and turf night - there is definately an advantage to the later dinner seating if you ask me - extra's if you want and no rush to get dressed for dinner when coming back from excursions - after dinner he'd always explain our next port of call and cool things to do, plus what was on tap for the next nights dinner.
Each morning our bed was made and room cleaned and each night our bed was turned down and a cool animal made from towels on our bed, with some mints. The entertainment on board ran from a super bowl party to a Motown Review, to an iceskating show, to a magic act, to comedy and others we didn't even see - there truly is something for everyone on board, even two night clubs that you had to be 17 or under to get into. TOP Notch service everywhere!
My only regret is I got sick the last couple of days. I felt a sore throat coming on Tuesday-ish, even started to lose my voice, but then felt fine... but by Friday night it was like someone hit me in the head - my head was pounding, my sinuses completely blocked, ears plugged and didn't know it at the time but I was running a fever - I wanted so badly to stay up and party that last night with Debbie, as it was 80's night on Friday, but I was miserable, my face was even all puffy, I ate dinner and was back in bed soon after. With Sat being another day at sea, I just layed up on the deck most of the day, might as well stay warm in the sun. Sunday and the plane ride home proved to be more than I could deal with. I felt so bad and I was a total bitch, even snapped at some lady in the airport - found myself in tears a couple of times on the plane when my ears could not pop and then all the sudden they did, it was like a knife going thru my head... But the worst was leaving 80+ degrees and coming home to a temp of 0, 40mph winds and a windchill of below zero - TAKE ME BACK PLEASE!
Got up Sunday took a run toward the Port of Miami but couldn't get to the ship... we got shooed away by security, but from where we were we could see our ship, Freedom of the Seas, and boy was she H U G E! Got back to the hotel, showered, ate breakfast and then figured might as well head to the port of Miami. We were on the Royal Carribean line and I was told its the best line and I have to say I'd agree. From the moment we got there, from checking in, till the time we left, the staff was wonderful. We actually got to board much sooner than we thought, but could not go to out staterooms until 2pm - the ship had just docked in Miami with another 4000+ passengers and they have to turn that ship around for the next group - was ok with me plenty to explore.
I was in awe from the moment I stepped on board. Not only a huge ship but beautiful inside, just beautiful, the manner in which this place was decked out rivals any top of the line hotel. 14 decks to explore. There were even parts of the ship we never saw. Our stateroom was on deck 2, it was small but why pay for a huge room when the reality is you don't or at least we didn't spend a lot of time there.
We left the dock Sunday around 5:30pm. Monday was an entire day at sea. After leaving cold and snowy Chicago, it was nice to bask in the warmth of the sun... of course I could have done without the bit of red I got :o) - the joy of being a redhead, who wasn't smart enough to put sunscreen on earlier.
Tuesday was our stop in Labadee Haiti where we did a kayaking excursion... UM never kayaked before but I think once I got the hang of it we were ok.. of course I feel on my ass just trying to get in the thing - tis ok plenty of cushion back there.
Wednesday found us in Ocho Rios Jamacia - there about 12 or so from our group had a private catamaran excursion - what a BLAST! We were taken to a snorkeling spot where our guide dove down and brought up a sea urchin, we all got to hold it and then he asked if we'd like to feed the fish... so he chipped away at this sea urchin, creating a hole in the side and the fish came from everywhere to feed on it, it was so cool, it was like they were literally eating out of your hand and well... they were.. Then he went down again and this time brought up a black spiny star fish. After snorkeling we head over to Dunn River Falls where we got to climb the actual water fall - 900 feet up - it was so much work and so much fun- then it was back on the catamaran to head back to the dock - the rum punch was flowing on the way back - the crew was a blast. Once back we headed to Margaritaville for some lunch and of course a Margarita!
Thursday had us in Grand Cayman - one of my favorite spots but I prefer the East end of the island to the touristy 7 mile beach area - but Kevin and I did a snorkeling adventure - the boat crew and other passengers weren't as cool as our Jamacia adventure, but the fish were certainly more plentifiul. We snorkeled in two spots, a shipwreck area, hell even without the fish just checking out this sunken ship was neat, then 2nd stop was a reef area.
Friday found us in Cozumel - this day we decided to shop and pick up souveniers. We found this interesting little bar where we had a huge frozen Margarita - brain freeze in a pretty glass - come to find out the owners were from Virginia and Hungary, they met on a cruise ship where they worked, fell in love and once the contracts were up, jumped ship for Cozumel and opened a bar.
Saturday was another day at Sea and then back in port on Sunday. The food onboard the ship was great, no matter if you ate in the dining room or in one of the cafe's, everything was good. Our head waiter in the dining room was wonderful, always making suggestions for the menu and/or wine, got us whatever we wanted and on lobster night, even put extra lobsters in the center of the table for all to enjoy, he did the same thing on surf and turf night - there is definately an advantage to the later dinner seating if you ask me - extra's if you want and no rush to get dressed for dinner when coming back from excursions - after dinner he'd always explain our next port of call and cool things to do, plus what was on tap for the next nights dinner.
Each morning our bed was made and room cleaned and each night our bed was turned down and a cool animal made from towels on our bed, with some mints. The entertainment on board ran from a super bowl party to a Motown Review, to an iceskating show, to a magic act, to comedy and others we didn't even see - there truly is something for everyone on board, even two night clubs that you had to be 17 or under to get into. TOP Notch service everywhere!
My only regret is I got sick the last couple of days. I felt a sore throat coming on Tuesday-ish, even started to lose my voice, but then felt fine... but by Friday night it was like someone hit me in the head - my head was pounding, my sinuses completely blocked, ears plugged and didn't know it at the time but I was running a fever - I wanted so badly to stay up and party that last night with Debbie, as it was 80's night on Friday, but I was miserable, my face was even all puffy, I ate dinner and was back in bed soon after. With Sat being another day at sea, I just layed up on the deck most of the day, might as well stay warm in the sun. Sunday and the plane ride home proved to be more than I could deal with. I felt so bad and I was a total bitch, even snapped at some lady in the airport - found myself in tears a couple of times on the plane when my ears could not pop and then all the sudden they did, it was like a knife going thru my head... But the worst was leaving 80+ degrees and coming home to a temp of 0, 40mph winds and a windchill of below zero - TAKE ME BACK PLEASE!
2008 Ridin' for Research
On March 2, 2008 I will be participating in a 6 hr indoor spinning
event to raise funds for childhood cancer research. I would
appreciate your support. If you would like to donate, and remember,
no donation is to small, please follow the below link (or copy and
paste it) to get my personal donations page.
http://www.kintera.org/faf/r.asp?t=4&i=256524&u=256524-205401454&e=15...
Thank you for your support!
Kim
event to raise funds for childhood cancer research. I would
appreciate your support. If you would like to donate, and remember,
no donation is to small, please follow the below link (or copy and
paste it) to get my personal donations page.
http://www.kintera.org/faf/r.asp?t=4&i=256524&u=256524-205401454&e=15...
Thank you for your support!
Kim
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Almost Cruise Time
So you think I'd be laid back and relaxed... NOT.... I will miss two classes of Science, Feb 2nd and 9th, 2 classes in Marketing 5th and 7th, 1 in Organizational behavior and one in Math.... and of course the week I come back to class its the final week of this quarter - so I will walk smack into finals....
Not one instructor will allow me to make up missed quizzes/tests or turn in papers late so I've had to work all weekend on getting things turned in ahead of time..
My entire weekend has been homework and I swear I have ADD because I can NOT sit and work for hours on end on a project I must have breaks. My back is killing me from being hunched over this freaking laptop.
I can only hope all this work I have to do ahead of time will allow me to relax and enjoy the time I am gone....
Not one instructor will allow me to make up missed quizzes/tests or turn in papers late so I've had to work all weekend on getting things turned in ahead of time..
My entire weekend has been homework and I swear I have ADD because I can NOT sit and work for hours on end on a project I must have breaks. My back is killing me from being hunched over this freaking laptop.
I can only hope all this work I have to do ahead of time will allow me to relax and enjoy the time I am gone....
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Sometimes Family drives me crazy
I love my brother dearly, believe me if something happened to him, I'd feel so lost. So I get this odd text message from my brother, but it wasn't a message from him it was a message that said do you want to recieve a message from this person?
Well sure he is my brother... fuckin' eh I could kill him.. this photo comes thru of my brothers van totally destroyed - dude what the hell is wrong with you sending me a picture like that and not calling to tell my you are OK!
So immediately I call my brother and say what the hell happened and are you OK? My heart was in my throat I tell ya.... well he is ok, but his van is totalled. Apparently on his way to work today round 4:30/5am.... this asshole pulls in front of him on the highway, the roads are slick from snow overnight, this person is now swearving so my brother starts to do what he can to avoid hitting this person or getting hit by this person..... his only option was the shoulder of the road, where there sat a parked semi truck.
Thank GOD his van hit that parked truck on the passengers side and thankfully NO one was in the van with my brother. But the entire front end is pancaked, the air bags went off... Of course mr macho man didn't go to the hospital....
Never send your sister a picture like that without calling first!
Well sure he is my brother... fuckin' eh I could kill him.. this photo comes thru of my brothers van totally destroyed - dude what the hell is wrong with you sending me a picture like that and not calling to tell my you are OK!
So immediately I call my brother and say what the hell happened and are you OK? My heart was in my throat I tell ya.... well he is ok, but his van is totalled. Apparently on his way to work today round 4:30/5am.... this asshole pulls in front of him on the highway, the roads are slick from snow overnight, this person is now swearving so my brother starts to do what he can to avoid hitting this person or getting hit by this person..... his only option was the shoulder of the road, where there sat a parked semi truck.
Thank GOD his van hit that parked truck on the passengers side and thankfully NO one was in the van with my brother. But the entire front end is pancaked, the air bags went off... Of course mr macho man didn't go to the hospital....
Never send your sister a picture like that without calling first!
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Changing jobs.... AGAIN :o)
Hey we just don't live in the work for the same employer for the rest of your life era anymore, now do we....
I started at the Catholic Press Association on 10/12, spent my first two weeks in New York. One week of training, the second week was packing, closing and moving the office from NY to IL.
First lets back up to say I was very sad to see my previous boss, Pat, leave Addison D4 and move to Elmhurst 205, but much like the rest of the world, Pat had to do the best thing for herself career wise. She is a great boss, has her moments but hell we all do now don't we, but 99% of the time, she is a great boss. She will jump in and roll up her sleeves to help her staff, if her staff is willing and able to take on additional tasks she shows them and gives them the responsibility, she is willing to groom you to become more, if that is what you want. So June 30th she moved on.
I began searching for a better position for myself. I felt I was worth more then the crappy raise the board of education decided the district staff was worth - you know it really sucks when you bust ass and get the same % raise as some slacker that calls in sick every Monday/Friday - but anyhow....
So I began my search, went on interviews and started to become discouraged, but then things finally started to happen. Long and short, I got an offer and took it. However during the process of them calling for my references, I got a call from Pat who said to me "does this mean if something comes open in Elmhurst you won't consider coming back and working with me again?" UH no doesn't mean that at all, simply means, make me a decent offer...
Well time goes by and long about November Pat does have a position come up. She had a payroll person who had been working odd hours when Pat came on board on July 1, this person had been taking care of a sick husband. Then this lady became ill herself, whe was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I am guessing the prognosis wasn't really good, I think it might be pretty advanced stages, and the woman is in her 60s the district worked w/o this payroll person for a while, each employee taking on parts of the job, but the district soon realized that couldn't go on forever. So the position was posted, I applied, I interviewed twice, and was sort of offered the job about 4 wks ago...
I say sort of because the district had to make sure they had all their I's dotted and T's crossed regarding the family medical leave act. So Pat asked me to hang in there, the position was mine, it was just a matter of when I could formally be given a starting salary and date... well I'm THRILLED to say that came Monday night. Pat was like you can call me back and let me know... I said ok, but knew I was taking the job.. I mean hello, no brainer... more money, more vacation, better insurance, 3 miles from home, no commute to downtown and no out of pocket for a monthly train pass, and working for a boss I admire and enjoy working for.... UH NO Sorry don't want the job.. NOT!
So I begin my time at Elmhurst 205 on January 23rd and I will be thrown immediately into learning two types of software - the district is going through a conversion that is starting the wk of the 22nd... so I will have to be trained on both the old system and the new as I am sure they will have to run them side by side for a bit - it will be hectic for a tad, but I just need to remember to breath and remind myself anything new takes time to learn and 2 months from now you will wonder why you ever worried about any of it...
I started at the Catholic Press Association on 10/12, spent my first two weeks in New York. One week of training, the second week was packing, closing and moving the office from NY to IL.
First lets back up to say I was very sad to see my previous boss, Pat, leave Addison D4 and move to Elmhurst 205, but much like the rest of the world, Pat had to do the best thing for herself career wise. She is a great boss, has her moments but hell we all do now don't we, but 99% of the time, she is a great boss. She will jump in and roll up her sleeves to help her staff, if her staff is willing and able to take on additional tasks she shows them and gives them the responsibility, she is willing to groom you to become more, if that is what you want. So June 30th she moved on.
I began searching for a better position for myself. I felt I was worth more then the crappy raise the board of education decided the district staff was worth - you know it really sucks when you bust ass and get the same % raise as some slacker that calls in sick every Monday/Friday - but anyhow....
So I began my search, went on interviews and started to become discouraged, but then things finally started to happen. Long and short, I got an offer and took it. However during the process of them calling for my references, I got a call from Pat who said to me "does this mean if something comes open in Elmhurst you won't consider coming back and working with me again?" UH no doesn't mean that at all, simply means, make me a decent offer...
Well time goes by and long about November Pat does have a position come up. She had a payroll person who had been working odd hours when Pat came on board on July 1, this person had been taking care of a sick husband. Then this lady became ill herself, whe was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I am guessing the prognosis wasn't really good, I think it might be pretty advanced stages, and the woman is in her 60s the district worked w/o this payroll person for a while, each employee taking on parts of the job, but the district soon realized that couldn't go on forever. So the position was posted, I applied, I interviewed twice, and was sort of offered the job about 4 wks ago...
I say sort of because the district had to make sure they had all their I's dotted and T's crossed regarding the family medical leave act. So Pat asked me to hang in there, the position was mine, it was just a matter of when I could formally be given a starting salary and date... well I'm THRILLED to say that came Monday night. Pat was like you can call me back and let me know... I said ok, but knew I was taking the job.. I mean hello, no brainer... more money, more vacation, better insurance, 3 miles from home, no commute to downtown and no out of pocket for a monthly train pass, and working for a boss I admire and enjoy working for.... UH NO Sorry don't want the job.. NOT!
So I begin my time at Elmhurst 205 on January 23rd and I will be thrown immediately into learning two types of software - the district is going through a conversion that is starting the wk of the 22nd... so I will have to be trained on both the old system and the new as I am sure they will have to run them side by side for a bit - it will be hectic for a tad, but I just need to remember to breath and remind myself anything new takes time to learn and 2 months from now you will wonder why you ever worried about any of it...
Monday, January 07, 2008
Been a while
Well I started Elite and I'm still working it, have hit some bumps in the road. Seems whenever I start to eat a more healthy and balanced diet, constipation issues set in. I've tried many an over the counter thing, as well as cleansing products, nothing is seeming to do the trick. Not going for a day or two I can probably handle but for 3, 4, 5 days or more - well one becomes quite miserable.
This time I'm trying a more holistic approach. I don't want a regular doctor who will just give me a script for some drug, without trying to get to the underlying cause, so I'm trying chiropractic. Plus having some upper back issues anyhow. Will work with chiro for a bit, even try some accupressure and/or accupuncture, if I don't see some improvement, then it will be to a gastrointestinal guy for those icky tests to see if there is some blockage or narrowing somewhere.
But I have lost about 13 pounds thus far, however its time to really step it up!
This time I'm trying a more holistic approach. I don't want a regular doctor who will just give me a script for some drug, without trying to get to the underlying cause, so I'm trying chiropractic. Plus having some upper back issues anyhow. Will work with chiro for a bit, even try some accupressure and/or accupuncture, if I don't see some improvement, then it will be to a gastrointestinal guy for those icky tests to see if there is some blockage or narrowing somewhere.
But I have lost about 13 pounds thus far, however its time to really step it up!
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
It's all Happening Perfectly....
I hope that can be my motto for the next year. I have decided to take the plunge and join the Leanness Lifestyle Elite Program(www.leannesslifestyle.com/elite). It is a year long program where I will work more pesonally and closely with the founder David Greenwalt.
I don't truely recall how I came to know Dave and the LL some 5+ years ago. I think I was on a website regarding Body for Life, from there had heard about the bodychangers website, from there found Stacie in WI who had made a wonderful phsyique transformation and from there found Leanness Lifestyle - that is what took her from A-Z and finally the body she desired.
I joined the LL (www.leannesslifestyle.com) in Jan of 2002. As I've mentioned before somewhere in this blog, I had gotten on the scale Jan 1, 2002, and weighed 215 pounds. Somehow that was a real wake up call for me. I started to apply the knowledge of Dave and the LL program, made some wonderful friendships via the club forum and by April 2002, I had lost over 20 pounds.
Around the beginning of April 02, Dave was offering a challenge or intensive as he called them at the time, called Diva II. Obviously this was the 2nd one he had done and I heard so many great things regarding Diva I. When this intensive was offered I knew I had to be a part of it. I had to submit an essay as to why I felt I should be one of the 30 candidates chosen for this women's only group challenge. Somewhere I think I still have that essay, but anyhow I was called we talked on the phone a bit and I was one of the 30 chosen.
It was a wild ride. I began that challenge at 180, and since it WAS 5 years ago I can't recall if this challenge was 10 wks or 14. I know it was NOT 12 as Dave didn't want to use the 12 wk format because that is what BFL is based on. I am almost positive our intensive was 10 wks - I have a finishers certificate with exact dates that is packed up somewhere. I literally worked my butt off and at the end of this intensive I was 150 (where is that damn certificate). Our bodyfat had to be done with calipers by a certified trainer or DR. so this was the same time in my life I found my first and most awesome trainer, Mike Farmer. He had to do my BF 3 times during the intensive, beginning, middle and end - and yes somewhere packed away too are those results. But when he asked exactly what I was doing, and we got to chatting, I realized not only was he good looking, but very sweet and thought I'd give some personal training a try. BEST decision I made at that time believe me. He pushed me and pushed me hard on resistance training and I GREW to love it. Loved my time with him, loved being pushed. Our meetings went from 2X per week to 3X per week and I stuck with him for 2 years until I moved in 2004 - I think I became one of his favorite clients..
After this challenge ended I continued to stay at 150, up a pound or two on occasion but I'd bet the average was 150 - then like the first time when I needed another push, Dave was offering the Advanced Diva Challenge in April 2003 - this was an 8 wk challenge and then 8 wks of maintenance (always harder than losing) - started at 150 ended at 135 - for a very short time I actually did hit 129, but I just didn't like how I looked at that weight. Then the usually yo-yo bullshit. Well I did manage to stay 135 - 140 for sometimes... The yo-yo began again in 2004.
That was about the time I divorced, moved to IL and just in general had some life changes going on. However I did not get above 150. I decided I was finally going to compete in amateur bodybuilding. Well ok how it started was Erin... she said she was going to do Kevin Noble's show in Nov 2004, made mention of it on the LL board and then life things happened for her and she decided not to do it. However she had let the cat out of the bag that I was doing it with her.. well a tumble effect happened as many members of the LL group were planning to come, some had hotel and tickets purchased already - being the guilt ridden soul I am, I had to go thru with it.
So Nov 2004 I competed. I came in at 140 but it wasn't really a lean, body fat wise, 140. I've always had big ole thighs and it shows on stage. But I placed 5th... 5th outta 5 :o) but had fun with it. Debbie flew from Delaware to support me, and members of the leanness lifestyle group. However I think the shining moment for me was when I finished my individual routine and Colin was backstage and said to me "Kim you were the best one out there you are going to get 1st I just know it" - well I knew there was no way in hell, but while trying to choke back tears I said to Colin as long as I am first in your eyes THAT is all that matters to me.
So the rubber band that was pulled so tight before totally came undone. And I shot up to close to 180 again... Then I hooked up with Jen Abrams around the 160 mark in November 2005, we worked together and I competed again in May 2006 again at 140 but a leaner 140. Then BAM there goes that rubber band again.... The sport of illusion and extremes.
So anyhow here I am again, had hit 180, yes this time I made it there and I decided I needed to push of David Greenwalt again, so I've become an Elite client. Its a year long program and hopefully between David as my coach, Kevin as my support (along w/tons of other friends) and Rich my shrink.... I will figure out what stops me from living the lean life I know I can.
So October 9, 2008 I hope I have learned a LOT about myself in that time.
I don't truely recall how I came to know Dave and the LL some 5+ years ago. I think I was on a website regarding Body for Life, from there had heard about the bodychangers website, from there found Stacie in WI who had made a wonderful phsyique transformation and from there found Leanness Lifestyle - that is what took her from A-Z and finally the body she desired.
I joined the LL (www.leannesslifestyle.com) in Jan of 2002. As I've mentioned before somewhere in this blog, I had gotten on the scale Jan 1, 2002, and weighed 215 pounds. Somehow that was a real wake up call for me. I started to apply the knowledge of Dave and the LL program, made some wonderful friendships via the club forum and by April 2002, I had lost over 20 pounds.
Around the beginning of April 02, Dave was offering a challenge or intensive as he called them at the time, called Diva II. Obviously this was the 2nd one he had done and I heard so many great things regarding Diva I. When this intensive was offered I knew I had to be a part of it. I had to submit an essay as to why I felt I should be one of the 30 candidates chosen for this women's only group challenge. Somewhere I think I still have that essay, but anyhow I was called we talked on the phone a bit and I was one of the 30 chosen.
It was a wild ride. I began that challenge at 180, and since it WAS 5 years ago I can't recall if this challenge was 10 wks or 14. I know it was NOT 12 as Dave didn't want to use the 12 wk format because that is what BFL is based on. I am almost positive our intensive was 10 wks - I have a finishers certificate with exact dates that is packed up somewhere. I literally worked my butt off and at the end of this intensive I was 150 (where is that damn certificate). Our bodyfat had to be done with calipers by a certified trainer or DR. so this was the same time in my life I found my first and most awesome trainer, Mike Farmer. He had to do my BF 3 times during the intensive, beginning, middle and end - and yes somewhere packed away too are those results. But when he asked exactly what I was doing, and we got to chatting, I realized not only was he good looking, but very sweet and thought I'd give some personal training a try. BEST decision I made at that time believe me. He pushed me and pushed me hard on resistance training and I GREW to love it. Loved my time with him, loved being pushed. Our meetings went from 2X per week to 3X per week and I stuck with him for 2 years until I moved in 2004 - I think I became one of his favorite clients..
After this challenge ended I continued to stay at 150, up a pound or two on occasion but I'd bet the average was 150 - then like the first time when I needed another push, Dave was offering the Advanced Diva Challenge in April 2003 - this was an 8 wk challenge and then 8 wks of maintenance (always harder than losing) - started at 150 ended at 135 - for a very short time I actually did hit 129, but I just didn't like how I looked at that weight. Then the usually yo-yo bullshit. Well I did manage to stay 135 - 140 for sometimes... The yo-yo began again in 2004.
That was about the time I divorced, moved to IL and just in general had some life changes going on. However I did not get above 150. I decided I was finally going to compete in amateur bodybuilding. Well ok how it started was Erin... she said she was going to do Kevin Noble's show in Nov 2004, made mention of it on the LL board and then life things happened for her and she decided not to do it. However she had let the cat out of the bag that I was doing it with her.. well a tumble effect happened as many members of the LL group were planning to come, some had hotel and tickets purchased already - being the guilt ridden soul I am, I had to go thru with it.
So Nov 2004 I competed. I came in at 140 but it wasn't really a lean, body fat wise, 140. I've always had big ole thighs and it shows on stage. But I placed 5th... 5th outta 5 :o) but had fun with it. Debbie flew from Delaware to support me, and members of the leanness lifestyle group. However I think the shining moment for me was when I finished my individual routine and Colin was backstage and said to me "Kim you were the best one out there you are going to get 1st I just know it" - well I knew there was no way in hell, but while trying to choke back tears I said to Colin as long as I am first in your eyes THAT is all that matters to me.
So the rubber band that was pulled so tight before totally came undone. And I shot up to close to 180 again... Then I hooked up with Jen Abrams around the 160 mark in November 2005, we worked together and I competed again in May 2006 again at 140 but a leaner 140. Then BAM there goes that rubber band again.... The sport of illusion and extremes.
So anyhow here I am again, had hit 180, yes this time I made it there and I decided I needed to push of David Greenwalt again, so I've become an Elite client. Its a year long program and hopefully between David as my coach, Kevin as my support (along w/tons of other friends) and Rich my shrink.... I will figure out what stops me from living the lean life I know I can.
So October 9, 2008 I hope I have learned a LOT about myself in that time.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
New Job!
Last time I was bitching about summer hours. Well I've been really disheartened with my job at the district and I have started searching for a new position.
I had hopes that our Board of Education would take into account the progress and all the things I have taken on over the last year when the time for raises came on July 1. I know my previous supervisor, who left on June 30th, told the BOE what a great job I was doing, how much more reponsibility I've taken on then the person who previously held the job, but to them I guess our positions are a dime a dozen. So the only thing to do is begin searching and I did just that.
Seems like it takes forever once you start sending out resumes, then all the sudden, weeks later the phone calls start to come in. I spoke with a gentleman who is an Exec Director for an organization. This company is moving headquarters from NY to Chicago. He was swamped with resumes and was trying to narrow down his search for the best candidates for a face to face interview. We chatted for 20 min or so and he said I'd definately be getting a call back. Sure enough... I was leaving an interview, on my way back to work, and got a call to set up the face to face interview. Took half a personal day on a Monday, went to Chicago, had my interview and was offered the position the next day.
Had to do some negotiating regarding the salary, but finally we came to an agreement and I start my new job on October 10th. Will it be any better than my current job... hard to say but it will be more money and sometimes that can make more bullshit a bit more tolerable.
I had hopes that our Board of Education would take into account the progress and all the things I have taken on over the last year when the time for raises came on July 1. I know my previous supervisor, who left on June 30th, told the BOE what a great job I was doing, how much more reponsibility I've taken on then the person who previously held the job, but to them I guess our positions are a dime a dozen. So the only thing to do is begin searching and I did just that.
Seems like it takes forever once you start sending out resumes, then all the sudden, weeks later the phone calls start to come in. I spoke with a gentleman who is an Exec Director for an organization. This company is moving headquarters from NY to Chicago. He was swamped with resumes and was trying to narrow down his search for the best candidates for a face to face interview. We chatted for 20 min or so and he said I'd definately be getting a call back. Sure enough... I was leaving an interview, on my way back to work, and got a call to set up the face to face interview. Took half a personal day on a Monday, went to Chicago, had my interview and was offered the position the next day.
Had to do some negotiating regarding the salary, but finally we came to an agreement and I start my new job on October 10th. Will it be any better than my current job... hard to say but it will be more money and sometimes that can make more bullshit a bit more tolerable.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Summer Hours??
Well today starts the summer hours for the district office staff. While I'm thrilled its Monday, the day after my first tri and I don't have to go to work, the fact that the other weeks I'll have to be into work at 7 AM and now work till 4:30 pm SUCKS. Even worse is next week its completely different because of the 4th of July holiday. So my entire training routine gets fucked up for 4 weeks because thats how long these changed hours happen for. Its almost like #1 why bother at all and #2 like we are being 'given' anything since we have to work longer days to get the one day off.
Means if I want to bike in the a.m. I have to either start at 3:30 to get in the route or cut the route short to be back here in time to shower, get ready for and get to work. UGH! I guess if there is any good in all this its that it does stay light longer at night and for at least 4 wks I will be somewhat forced to work out in the evening, which might mean two a days, which might mean some of these extra pounds will come off faster.
This week at work will be especially tough for me. Its the last week for my boss Pat. While we have only worked together a smidge less than a year, when I started on July 19th of 06, she is a really great boss and I am so sad to see her go. The luncheon on Thursday will be hard. We will have a luncheon for the two administrators that are leaving. I guess I will just keep my fingers crossed that eventually she and I will be working together again!
Means if I want to bike in the a.m. I have to either start at 3:30 to get in the route or cut the route short to be back here in time to shower, get ready for and get to work. UGH! I guess if there is any good in all this its that it does stay light longer at night and for at least 4 wks I will be somewhat forced to work out in the evening, which might mean two a days, which might mean some of these extra pounds will come off faster.
This week at work will be especially tough for me. Its the last week for my boss Pat. While we have only worked together a smidge less than a year, when I started on July 19th of 06, she is a really great boss and I am so sad to see her go. The luncheon on Thursday will be hard. We will have a luncheon for the two administrators that are leaving. I guess I will just keep my fingers crossed that eventually she and I will be working together again!
Pics from Twin Lakes Triathlon 6/24/2007
a sprint to the finish
Kim, Robin and Erin
Erin, Kim, Robin, Kristin and Lori
Trainee and Trainer at the Finish LineSunday, June 24, 2007
My first TRI!
ok no longer a multisport athlete virgin. In May I did the Galena duathlon (run, bike, run) and today was my very first triathlon. I'm ready for the next one in two weeks and then another 2 weeks after that... talk about going balls to the wall when I get into something.
The day started at 4:10 with some oatmeal, thought that the best thing to be on my tummy. I didn't feel nervous at all, odd, but I'll take it. I had got my bag ready the night before so all we had to do was put bikes on the rack that was already on the car. Was looking like it might rain but weather wasn't calling for it, but it was overcast and gloomy looking, temps in the mid 60's.
Got to the event area, got our packets, then took bikes to transition area. Laid out my towel then got my bike stuff together as well as my run stuff. Never done a tri before but having friends that do sure the hell helps. Had things all laid out perfectly, then some butthead wants to SQUEEZE into the hardly any space between me and another athlete - oh well whatcha gonna do?
Still not feeling any nerves at all and I'm still thinking this is very odd, but I really just entered this event as a practice run for the Danskin tri in 2 weeks, then Harbor Lights after that. Robin and Rich found us, then Lori and Kristin, said our hello's and Kevin, Robin and I took a quick swim before they cut it off. Director or someone of the sort gave the instructions, then the first wave of swimmers were off. No chip timing on this race :o( but I think the times posted are pretty darn close to what my HRM said I finished in.
My wave went off at 6:34-ish. I'm sure Kevin overstated my swim ability when he signed me up, but I got toward the side with the marker and toward the back of my wave. Then the count down began... I'm still wondering WHY I'm not feeling any nervousness at all. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, swimmers take the water... And off the yellow caps go, 60 something of us. I didn't get freaked out that I couldn't touch bottom, didn't get freaked that I had others swimming around me. When I got bumped I just looked up to see where I was, got my head back down and continued to swim. The water was warm and surely warm enough to go without wetsuit but #1 I know now how that ole rubber suit holds up my non swimming ass and #2 I wanted the practice getting out of it in this situation since I might be in an upcoming tri where a wetsuit is really needed for the warmth as well as the buoyancy factor. Murky and mucky water at this venue but not so bad I couldn't see feet in front of me before I got kicked in the face, so I was able to move and avoid that issue, cept once, this gal I got behind at one point was breaststroking and I guess on the part of the stroke where her feet were pulled in is where I came in behind her and then bonk.... she got me... but again didn't freak out, pulled my head up, sighted and got back to business.
The entire time I swim I count, one, two three, breath left, one, two, three, breath right so that along with the words C A L M kept going thru my head and I never panicked in the water, never felt nervous. When I felt I was getting a bit winded I just told myself C A L M! Odd but it worked. So finally the swim ended, now its off to try and get out of this suit. I did as Kevin suggested and unzipped it on the way out, off with goggles and cap, then down to waist then on the ground till that thing was off.... dare I say, it was pretty easy, more so than I thought it would be... dried feet as best I could, on with socks and bike shoes, helmet, eat a block and a few jelly beans, then off I went on the bike leg.
I think the bike leg is my favorite by far. One time and sport my big legs come in handy. Had not seen Erin up to this point and I went to make my first turn and saw her car, then looked to the left and saw Erin.... I said 'hey you made it, woo hoo' and smiled, it was SO cool to see her there! The bike leg wasn't bad, a few more turns then I care for. I have NOT learned to take them sharp yet so lots of turns are an issue for me. Not much eventful on the bike. I could have hammered it a bit more but I knew I had a 4.9 mile run and I hate the run part.... so I knew I had to leave something in my legs. So get to the bike finish, off the bike run into transition, change into run shoes, eat another block and some jelly beans, grab the hat and run, well shuffle is more like it.
I hate the run, hate it hate it hate it... did I say I hate the run part? and this was an odd distance run for a sprint tri, it was 4.9 miles, most sprints are a 5K. I could not keep my heart rate down on the run, it was in the upper 170's. No matter how much I would have liked to run the entire thing, my body and my slug time prior to this said otherwise. I have a feeling I walked more than I ran. Hell my bike time for 14+ miles was faster then my run for 4.9.... I kept getting passed by on the run and kept saying in my head 'oh please don't let me be DFL'. Not really an eventful run. Lots of well wishers on the route as well as volunteers cheering you on so that was nice... finally the finish was in site... got back into the park area and just knew I could not walk at this point - then I see the finish, see and hear Lori as I went by she cheered me on and then as usual I found enough in my tired legs to sprint to the finish...
THE FINISH OF MY FIRST TRIATHLON! Once I caught my breath I was fine. Kevin came to give me hugs, Erin, Robin and Rich, Kristin and Lori too! It was pretty darn cool.
Then true to his word, Kevin was ready to give up his accenture technical shirt to me. He got it last year when he did that race and I really took a liking to it so he said when you finish your first triathlon, you can have it. It was the first triathlon I had ever seen first hand and it was a really nice shirt. But when he handed it to me after a little speech, I told him NOPE, I have to earn it by doing that race first! I guess once you've done it, getting someone else's shirt that they earned, even though its not been worn, is just not the same... I highly doubt I'll ever do Accenture, the smell from the boats diesel fuel was enough to gag me and I wasn't even in the water.
Kevin biked back with Lori and I drove home, taking a wrong turn as usual for my directionally challenged self, but was able to catch my mistake and get home just fine in spite of it all. Smiling the entire way I might add. WHY cause I finished my first, very first, triathlon!
Oh yeah time was 2:11:03 and I'm cool with that.. This year is getting my feet wet, next year can be worried with cutting times and getting faster, for now I just want to have fun with it.. and probably could have more if they could cut off the run part :o)
The day started at 4:10 with some oatmeal, thought that the best thing to be on my tummy. I didn't feel nervous at all, odd, but I'll take it. I had got my bag ready the night before so all we had to do was put bikes on the rack that was already on the car. Was looking like it might rain but weather wasn't calling for it, but it was overcast and gloomy looking, temps in the mid 60's.
Got to the event area, got our packets, then took bikes to transition area. Laid out my towel then got my bike stuff together as well as my run stuff. Never done a tri before but having friends that do sure the hell helps. Had things all laid out perfectly, then some butthead wants to SQUEEZE into the hardly any space between me and another athlete - oh well whatcha gonna do?
Still not feeling any nerves at all and I'm still thinking this is very odd, but I really just entered this event as a practice run for the Danskin tri in 2 weeks, then Harbor Lights after that. Robin and Rich found us, then Lori and Kristin, said our hello's and Kevin, Robin and I took a quick swim before they cut it off. Director or someone of the sort gave the instructions, then the first wave of swimmers were off. No chip timing on this race :o( but I think the times posted are pretty darn close to what my HRM said I finished in.
My wave went off at 6:34-ish. I'm sure Kevin overstated my swim ability when he signed me up, but I got toward the side with the marker and toward the back of my wave. Then the count down began... I'm still wondering WHY I'm not feeling any nervousness at all. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, swimmers take the water... And off the yellow caps go, 60 something of us. I didn't get freaked out that I couldn't touch bottom, didn't get freaked that I had others swimming around me. When I got bumped I just looked up to see where I was, got my head back down and continued to swim. The water was warm and surely warm enough to go without wetsuit but #1 I know now how that ole rubber suit holds up my non swimming ass and #2 I wanted the practice getting out of it in this situation since I might be in an upcoming tri where a wetsuit is really needed for the warmth as well as the buoyancy factor. Murky and mucky water at this venue but not so bad I couldn't see feet in front of me before I got kicked in the face, so I was able to move and avoid that issue, cept once, this gal I got behind at one point was breaststroking and I guess on the part of the stroke where her feet were pulled in is where I came in behind her and then bonk.... she got me... but again didn't freak out, pulled my head up, sighted and got back to business.
The entire time I swim I count, one, two three, breath left, one, two, three, breath right so that along with the words C A L M kept going thru my head and I never panicked in the water, never felt nervous. When I felt I was getting a bit winded I just told myself C A L M! Odd but it worked. So finally the swim ended, now its off to try and get out of this suit. I did as Kevin suggested and unzipped it on the way out, off with goggles and cap, then down to waist then on the ground till that thing was off.... dare I say, it was pretty easy, more so than I thought it would be... dried feet as best I could, on with socks and bike shoes, helmet, eat a block and a few jelly beans, then off I went on the bike leg.
I think the bike leg is my favorite by far. One time and sport my big legs come in handy. Had not seen Erin up to this point and I went to make my first turn and saw her car, then looked to the left and saw Erin.... I said 'hey you made it, woo hoo' and smiled, it was SO cool to see her there! The bike leg wasn't bad, a few more turns then I care for. I have NOT learned to take them sharp yet so lots of turns are an issue for me. Not much eventful on the bike. I could have hammered it a bit more but I knew I had a 4.9 mile run and I hate the run part.... so I knew I had to leave something in my legs. So get to the bike finish, off the bike run into transition, change into run shoes, eat another block and some jelly beans, grab the hat and run, well shuffle is more like it.
I hate the run, hate it hate it hate it... did I say I hate the run part? and this was an odd distance run for a sprint tri, it was 4.9 miles, most sprints are a 5K. I could not keep my heart rate down on the run, it was in the upper 170's. No matter how much I would have liked to run the entire thing, my body and my slug time prior to this said otherwise. I have a feeling I walked more than I ran. Hell my bike time for 14+ miles was faster then my run for 4.9.... I kept getting passed by on the run and kept saying in my head 'oh please don't let me be DFL'. Not really an eventful run. Lots of well wishers on the route as well as volunteers cheering you on so that was nice... finally the finish was in site... got back into the park area and just knew I could not walk at this point - then I see the finish, see and hear Lori as I went by she cheered me on and then as usual I found enough in my tired legs to sprint to the finish...
THE FINISH OF MY FIRST TRIATHLON! Once I caught my breath I was fine. Kevin came to give me hugs, Erin, Robin and Rich, Kristin and Lori too! It was pretty darn cool.
Then true to his word, Kevin was ready to give up his accenture technical shirt to me. He got it last year when he did that race and I really took a liking to it so he said when you finish your first triathlon, you can have it. It was the first triathlon I had ever seen first hand and it was a really nice shirt. But when he handed it to me after a little speech, I told him NOPE, I have to earn it by doing that race first! I guess once you've done it, getting someone else's shirt that they earned, even though its not been worn, is just not the same... I highly doubt I'll ever do Accenture, the smell from the boats diesel fuel was enough to gag me and I wasn't even in the water.
Kevin biked back with Lori and I drove home, taking a wrong turn as usual for my directionally challenged self, but was able to catch my mistake and get home just fine in spite of it all. Smiling the entire way I might add. WHY cause I finished my first, very first, triathlon!
Oh yeah time was 2:11:03 and I'm cool with that.. This year is getting my feet wet, next year can be worried with cutting times and getting faster, for now I just want to have fun with it.. and probably could have more if they could cut off the run part :o)
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Splish Splash Dash
For me it was more like a sad case of do what you can to survive.... My sucky-ness at swimming REALLY came thru yesterday and slapped me in the face.... I only signed up for the 500 yard swim, THANK GOD!
First mistake was not wearing the wet suit. The water was warm and I opt'd not to wear it but 1/2 way to the turn around I wish I had. This was my first indication of just how much that damn thing does help you stay afloat. I guess too I was freaked about the nasty water in putting my face in it, adrenaline was pumping and I couldn't get any sort of rhythm going with my breathing my swimming, nothing. Couple times I flipped over and back stroked I got water in my face and got freaked again... I was DEAD FUCKING LAST but not a lot of folks in the 500 yard swim anyhow. I'm ok with the being last part, really am, I just would have liked the swim to go better, even if I had taken longer than I did.
All taken in stride, this is all new to me and I'm learning my limits and what I need to work on.
So today Kevin and I went to Ohio St beach again... Water was MUCH warmer than 2 weeks or so ago, still cold but better than last time, it didn't take my breath away. Saw the same two ladies finishing their swim... Next time I WILL introduce myself... I did ask if they were doing danskin this year as one was wearing the shirt and she said yes.... so I will make a point to introduce myself next time we see them.
Anyhow I swam so much better today, still not GREAT, but even better than yesterday. Of course I had the wetsuit on. Kevin said we had to go to the 4th ladder out, then he changed it up on me and made me go to the 5th ladder out. He estimates we swam probably 1000 yards. Then on the swim back he played triathlon with me.... :o) he purposely swam by me, over me, kicked me, touched me, bumped me - so I could get some idea what to expect and learn how to just pick my head up, get my bearings, then get my rhythm back - it took a few times but I started to catch on and started to learn to just breast stroke a few stokes, then put my head back in the water and move on - and I did feel like I was moving faster, and I'm sure the wetsuit helped - hell you don't EVEN have to kick at all with that thing on, so at least I know that, can use that to my advantage - don't use the legs in the swim, save them for the bike and the run!
All in all not too awful bad for a gal that this past October could not make one length of the pool, 25 yard pool at that, I really did not know how to swim at all, could save my ass if I feel off the boat but no idea how to swim
First mistake was not wearing the wet suit. The water was warm and I opt'd not to wear it but 1/2 way to the turn around I wish I had. This was my first indication of just how much that damn thing does help you stay afloat. I guess too I was freaked about the nasty water in putting my face in it, adrenaline was pumping and I couldn't get any sort of rhythm going with my breathing my swimming, nothing. Couple times I flipped over and back stroked I got water in my face and got freaked again... I was DEAD FUCKING LAST but not a lot of folks in the 500 yard swim anyhow. I'm ok with the being last part, really am, I just would have liked the swim to go better, even if I had taken longer than I did.
All taken in stride, this is all new to me and I'm learning my limits and what I need to work on.
So today Kevin and I went to Ohio St beach again... Water was MUCH warmer than 2 weeks or so ago, still cold but better than last time, it didn't take my breath away. Saw the same two ladies finishing their swim... Next time I WILL introduce myself... I did ask if they were doing danskin this year as one was wearing the shirt and she said yes.... so I will make a point to introduce myself next time we see them.
Anyhow I swam so much better today, still not GREAT, but even better than yesterday. Of course I had the wetsuit on. Kevin said we had to go to the 4th ladder out, then he changed it up on me and made me go to the 5th ladder out. He estimates we swam probably 1000 yards. Then on the swim back he played triathlon with me.... :o) he purposely swam by me, over me, kicked me, touched me, bumped me - so I could get some idea what to expect and learn how to just pick my head up, get my bearings, then get my rhythm back - it took a few times but I started to catch on and started to learn to just breast stroke a few stokes, then put my head back in the water and move on - and I did feel like I was moving faster, and I'm sure the wetsuit helped - hell you don't EVEN have to kick at all with that thing on, so at least I know that, can use that to my advantage - don't use the legs in the swim, save them for the bike and the run!
All in all not too awful bad for a gal that this past October could not make one length of the pool, 25 yard pool at that, I really did not know how to swim at all, could save my ass if I feel off the boat but no idea how to swim
Monday, May 21, 2007
Galena Duathlon
Can't believe I haven't updated here in a while.... time flies I guess
I know I won't be able to describe my adventure in as elegant a fashion as Julie does but I promised Robin I'd share my story when we got home from Galena.This weekend we traveled to Galena IL where I participated in the 12th Annual Galena Triathlon/Duathlon. Kevin has done this race for 3 years now and has always done the tri, however he didn't want my first adventure into open water to be Apple Canyon Lake where some years they have had to move hunks of ice to take the temp of the water - apparently if the water is below a certain temp they will cancel the swim part. However I think this year was the warmest he can recall, a warm balmy 64 degree water temp :o) - THANK HEAVENS I was doing the duathlon...Friday we arrived in Galena and Kevin, Lori and I went to pick up our race packets and put our bikes in the transition area 1. This is all so very new to me and I am so thankful to be hanging with folks that are seasoned at this sport, its very helpful because I would have had NO clue what the hell to do with my stuff in the bike transition. Kevin got himself set up then came over and helped me. Basically you find your spot on the bike racks, there are numbers on the sides of the racks that state 1000 - 1100 and then you find your spot on that rack where your race number and name will be marked with an address label of sorts. I was number 1228, easy to remember and my bike was on the end of the rack almost. So we get this done and then we had to head over to transition area #2 and get that set up. Its not an out and back course so if your doing the tri or the duathlon that first transition is the same spot. You get a huge bag with your number on it and on race day when you come out of the water or off the run if doing the duathlon, you need to get all your stuff, wet suit, googles, running shoes, etc, into that bag as the race volunteers schelp those bags from T1 to T2. What a chore that must be for those folks!Then we were off to T2 area. The duathlon is a 2 mile run, 16.8 mile bike and a 4.3 mile run, so since its not out and back if your doing the duathlon you have to have two pair of running shoes. You do your first run in one pair, get to T1, get in your bike shoes, then do the bike course then your at t2 where you need that 2nd pair of shoes for the 2nd run - again thankfully I had folks that knew what they were doing or how would I have ever know I needed two pair of running shoes... So the path to the T2 set up area is the same route of the bike course... OMgosh if you have never been to Galena, first go, its beautiful, 2nd I swear to you some of those freaking hills could be down hill ski slopes in the winter time! I am sure my face was whiter than white as we drove over this course - all I could think of in the back of my mind is HOW IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AM I GOING TO MAKE IT UP THESE HILLS! Folks I'm not kidding they are some mean looking climbs, and the downhill is just as bad. So we get to T2 I get that area set up, basically just need my running shoes and my hat, then we are off to find the place we are staying at. But of course not before I get a look at the first part of the 2nd run, it is a very daunting uphill run. I think in earlier times before the area was populated, I'd bet there was a tow rope and ski area at the top :o) Satruday - The day started with me very quite which I guess is how I get when I'm really nervous about something. The friends we were with are all pretty seasoned triathletes and assured me I'd do fine. I however was not so sure as the day before we drove the first run course and the bike course and I saw the first hill you climb on the 2nd run.We arrive with enough time to get into the T1 area just to make sure all still looks ok, pull the bags off our seats (put there to avoid a wet seat from condensation), put our bike shoes out, helmets at the ready, then head over to watch the first group of swimmers take the water... Again I am so amazed at all the various shapes and sizes, makes and models of folks that compete in this sport. I really wanted to stay to see Kevin's wave hit the water but had to get to the start of the duathlon first run, of course at the top of a hill :o) - Kristin and Steve were doing the duathlon also so I was not alone, well least not at the start, they are both much better athletes than me and while I knew I'd spend my time on the course alone, I was not alone at the start... My wave went off at 10:04 and was the last wave of the duathlon. Kristin wished me well and off she went. I was having serious serious doubts about making it through all this on the first run. It was only two miles but I'm telling you Galena is very hilly and I'm not use to that. I have to admit even on the first run, I had to walk a portion of the hills. Get to the turn around and head back. You know up hill running will be hard but let me tell you downhill isn't a whole lot better, you get going to fast and you will find yourself ass over tin cup, flat on your face, and you will KILL your quads and I knew mine had a very hilly 16.8 mile bike to contend with - so I took it easy on the down side too. Get about a 1/2 mile from T1 maybe less and there is Kevin - I was like what the hell are you doing.... Well the TRI Gods were not shining on my sweetie that day, he blew a tire coming out of T1, back tire none the less, fixed that puppy in less than 2 minutes, but had a bad tube or pinched it as it blew again, then he lost a couple of gears off the back cassette of his bike, so sadly his day was done. He shouted this to me as I ran by and it sure weighed on my mind, I was bummed for my sweetie, but now more determined to finish as best as I could to make him proud - he is such a wonderful support of me and sometimes I am a REAL bitch to deal with when training... I was going to finish for me as much as him.Get to T1, out of run shoes, in the bag, get on bike shoes, helmet, wipe sweat off my face, unrack bike and I'm outta there. Took longer than I would have like when I looked at my stats but transitions you have to practice as much as the events themselves, but tis ok, its all new to me. Once again I am thankful for having Kevin's support and advice, because you have a climb coming right out of T1, literally right out of it and if your bike is not geared properly - small ring in front, big ring in back, you are screwed trying to get up that hill. I just smiled as I passed a few struggling because I was geared properly and made it up that puppy seated!!!!I wish I could have enjoyed more of the countryside along the way but I was on a mission to finish that bike ride... It was tough, there were many spots that folks were off their bikes and walking up the hills. Even I had a tough time on the first couple. I was frightened by the speed I gained on the downhills and used my brake a bit too much and thus lost the advantage of that speed for the next uphill. I quickly learned to pray hard to God on the downhills and use that speed gained for the next uphill. Believe me when you look down on your speedometer on your BIKE and your seeing numbers in the 30's, it will scare the life out of you, one wrong move and your road kill - but as I said I learned quickly to go with it and it helped alot after those first couple of hills to give me the power to get up the next, that and proper gearing... I did pop my chain once, but you would have thought I was a pro the way I jumped off, got that sucker back on and BAM was on my way again. thankfully it popped very near the top of a hill :o) - I was amazed that I was actually passing people up and not just on the downhill portion of the bike but going up the hills. Passed the big sign that said JESUS SAVES and I knew at that point I was over 1/2 way. Then there was a couple long side the road cheering competitors on and said your going to make it, less than a mile to go, this after a pretty grueling climb, I said PLEASE tell me that was the last up hill climb.. he said you have one more and its small, now go get em' you can do this. I smiled and said thank you! Then just as he said, one more small climb and I could hear the music, hear the people, and then..... I heard Kevin shouting for me, screaming I was going to do this and at that point your damn right I was... I was almost in tears realizing that ride was behind me, that ride that the day before when we drove it I swore I'd never survive, but freakin' eh right I had survived it and I had energy, I was pumped at this point. I knew a hard run lay ahead but by gosh I was going to finish. So into T2, change to run shoes, throw helmet and bike shoes in th bag and off I go... again I gotta work on transitions, both were almost 3 minutes, but they didn't feel like it thats for sure. And silly me no idea you could run your bike into transition. Oh well...So out of the gate and off to the run, there is Kevin cheering for me, telling me that the only thing that lies between me and the finish is stubborness and 4.3 miles and I can do it... I was amazed that I actually had enough in my legs to run out of T2 and started to run up the hill but very quickly into it had to walk, its one tough hill and like I said before I swear it was a tow rope for a ski slope at some point! The run was not AS hilly as the first but still challenging, my run time dropped way down but I was ok with that, #1 I had already run a tough 2 miles and #2 biked a demanding 16.8, so the fact my time was almost 13 min miles I was fine with. The folks at the water stop near the turn around were WONDERFUL, encouraging, clapping, cheering, telling you, ok you only have the other 1/2 to go. Got to the turn around and so much was going thru my head, all the self doubt I had was gone, I KNEW I was going to finish, I had no real goal time, my only goal WAS to finish. Got to the end of the run and that same first hill up, is now the same you have to go down. I slowed my pace a bit as I didn't want to go face first into the pavement, I could hear Kevin, Kristin, Lori and Steve all yelling my name, it was awesome! Finally got there, did some high fives, still running because I was not at the finish yet.. I do recall saying where is that freaking mat(meaning the finish line)! Got to the flat part and sprinted to the finish, and let me say OMgosh I have NO idea where the power came from for that finish, it was pure adrenline. I crossed that mat and there was Kevin - I was so glad I had sunglasss on so he couldn't see the tears welling in my eyes. I DID IT, I MADE IT and had energy to still stand and walk when it was over. I don't know if I was more proud of me or if Kevin was, I think it was shared equally.Walked over got an apple and a banana, some water, then walked over to the post party to find our crew. I think it took many hours for the smile to be removed from my face, and its still inside internally. I was shocked that I had any energy left at all, we hung at post party a while, then headed back, showered, went to a friend of a friends BBQ, then went to downtown Galena for some local event and dinner... Finally after a couple bottles of WELL deserved wine, we had with dinner, the fatique was setting in, so Kevin and I went back and I don't think my head even hit the pillow before I was out and I slept like a baby!!!My time was 2 hrs, 46 mins, 15 seconds... As Robin said, a PR for me :o) and something to now have a marker for improvement for - I think I will definately do this again next year and somehow must talk MsRobin into this one as she has talked me into some things! If I'm sorry about anything this weekend, its #1 that Kevin had a mishap with his day and #2 I missed coaches show and seeing some awesome LL folks but I know Robin told me everyone was rooting for me, so thank you ALL for the wonderful thoughts! I will take some time to check out all the photos Robin sent!I felt so on top of the world after this! I wish I could bottle that feeling and drink from it every single day!
I know I won't be able to describe my adventure in as elegant a fashion as Julie does but I promised Robin I'd share my story when we got home from Galena.This weekend we traveled to Galena IL where I participated in the 12th Annual Galena Triathlon/Duathlon. Kevin has done this race for 3 years now and has always done the tri, however he didn't want my first adventure into open water to be Apple Canyon Lake where some years they have had to move hunks of ice to take the temp of the water - apparently if the water is below a certain temp they will cancel the swim part. However I think this year was the warmest he can recall, a warm balmy 64 degree water temp :o) - THANK HEAVENS I was doing the duathlon...Friday we arrived in Galena and Kevin, Lori and I went to pick up our race packets and put our bikes in the transition area 1. This is all so very new to me and I am so thankful to be hanging with folks that are seasoned at this sport, its very helpful because I would have had NO clue what the hell to do with my stuff in the bike transition. Kevin got himself set up then came over and helped me. Basically you find your spot on the bike racks, there are numbers on the sides of the racks that state 1000 - 1100 and then you find your spot on that rack where your race number and name will be marked with an address label of sorts. I was number 1228, easy to remember and my bike was on the end of the rack almost. So we get this done and then we had to head over to transition area #2 and get that set up. Its not an out and back course so if your doing the tri or the duathlon that first transition is the same spot. You get a huge bag with your number on it and on race day when you come out of the water or off the run if doing the duathlon, you need to get all your stuff, wet suit, googles, running shoes, etc, into that bag as the race volunteers schelp those bags from T1 to T2. What a chore that must be for those folks!Then we were off to T2 area. The duathlon is a 2 mile run, 16.8 mile bike and a 4.3 mile run, so since its not out and back if your doing the duathlon you have to have two pair of running shoes. You do your first run in one pair, get to T1, get in your bike shoes, then do the bike course then your at t2 where you need that 2nd pair of shoes for the 2nd run - again thankfully I had folks that knew what they were doing or how would I have ever know I needed two pair of running shoes... So the path to the T2 set up area is the same route of the bike course... OMgosh if you have never been to Galena, first go, its beautiful, 2nd I swear to you some of those freaking hills could be down hill ski slopes in the winter time! I am sure my face was whiter than white as we drove over this course - all I could think of in the back of my mind is HOW IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AM I GOING TO MAKE IT UP THESE HILLS! Folks I'm not kidding they are some mean looking climbs, and the downhill is just as bad. So we get to T2 I get that area set up, basically just need my running shoes and my hat, then we are off to find the place we are staying at. But of course not before I get a look at the first part of the 2nd run, it is a very daunting uphill run. I think in earlier times before the area was populated, I'd bet there was a tow rope and ski area at the top :o) Satruday - The day started with me very quite which I guess is how I get when I'm really nervous about something. The friends we were with are all pretty seasoned triathletes and assured me I'd do fine. I however was not so sure as the day before we drove the first run course and the bike course and I saw the first hill you climb on the 2nd run.We arrive with enough time to get into the T1 area just to make sure all still looks ok, pull the bags off our seats (put there to avoid a wet seat from condensation), put our bike shoes out, helmets at the ready, then head over to watch the first group of swimmers take the water... Again I am so amazed at all the various shapes and sizes, makes and models of folks that compete in this sport. I really wanted to stay to see Kevin's wave hit the water but had to get to the start of the duathlon first run, of course at the top of a hill :o) - Kristin and Steve were doing the duathlon also so I was not alone, well least not at the start, they are both much better athletes than me and while I knew I'd spend my time on the course alone, I was not alone at the start... My wave went off at 10:04 and was the last wave of the duathlon. Kristin wished me well and off she went. I was having serious serious doubts about making it through all this on the first run. It was only two miles but I'm telling you Galena is very hilly and I'm not use to that. I have to admit even on the first run, I had to walk a portion of the hills. Get to the turn around and head back. You know up hill running will be hard but let me tell you downhill isn't a whole lot better, you get going to fast and you will find yourself ass over tin cup, flat on your face, and you will KILL your quads and I knew mine had a very hilly 16.8 mile bike to contend with - so I took it easy on the down side too. Get about a 1/2 mile from T1 maybe less and there is Kevin - I was like what the hell are you doing.... Well the TRI Gods were not shining on my sweetie that day, he blew a tire coming out of T1, back tire none the less, fixed that puppy in less than 2 minutes, but had a bad tube or pinched it as it blew again, then he lost a couple of gears off the back cassette of his bike, so sadly his day was done. He shouted this to me as I ran by and it sure weighed on my mind, I was bummed for my sweetie, but now more determined to finish as best as I could to make him proud - he is such a wonderful support of me and sometimes I am a REAL bitch to deal with when training... I was going to finish for me as much as him.Get to T1, out of run shoes, in the bag, get on bike shoes, helmet, wipe sweat off my face, unrack bike and I'm outta there. Took longer than I would have like when I looked at my stats but transitions you have to practice as much as the events themselves, but tis ok, its all new to me. Once again I am thankful for having Kevin's support and advice, because you have a climb coming right out of T1, literally right out of it and if your bike is not geared properly - small ring in front, big ring in back, you are screwed trying to get up that hill. I just smiled as I passed a few struggling because I was geared properly and made it up that puppy seated!!!!I wish I could have enjoyed more of the countryside along the way but I was on a mission to finish that bike ride... It was tough, there were many spots that folks were off their bikes and walking up the hills. Even I had a tough time on the first couple. I was frightened by the speed I gained on the downhills and used my brake a bit too much and thus lost the advantage of that speed for the next uphill. I quickly learned to pray hard to God on the downhills and use that speed gained for the next uphill. Believe me when you look down on your speedometer on your BIKE and your seeing numbers in the 30's, it will scare the life out of you, one wrong move and your road kill - but as I said I learned quickly to go with it and it helped alot after those first couple of hills to give me the power to get up the next, that and proper gearing... I did pop my chain once, but you would have thought I was a pro the way I jumped off, got that sucker back on and BAM was on my way again. thankfully it popped very near the top of a hill :o) - I was amazed that I was actually passing people up and not just on the downhill portion of the bike but going up the hills. Passed the big sign that said JESUS SAVES and I knew at that point I was over 1/2 way. Then there was a couple long side the road cheering competitors on and said your going to make it, less than a mile to go, this after a pretty grueling climb, I said PLEASE tell me that was the last up hill climb.. he said you have one more and its small, now go get em' you can do this. I smiled and said thank you! Then just as he said, one more small climb and I could hear the music, hear the people, and then..... I heard Kevin shouting for me, screaming I was going to do this and at that point your damn right I was... I was almost in tears realizing that ride was behind me, that ride that the day before when we drove it I swore I'd never survive, but freakin' eh right I had survived it and I had energy, I was pumped at this point. I knew a hard run lay ahead but by gosh I was going to finish. So into T2, change to run shoes, throw helmet and bike shoes in th bag and off I go... again I gotta work on transitions, both were almost 3 minutes, but they didn't feel like it thats for sure. And silly me no idea you could run your bike into transition. Oh well...So out of the gate and off to the run, there is Kevin cheering for me, telling me that the only thing that lies between me and the finish is stubborness and 4.3 miles and I can do it... I was amazed that I actually had enough in my legs to run out of T2 and started to run up the hill but very quickly into it had to walk, its one tough hill and like I said before I swear it was a tow rope for a ski slope at some point! The run was not AS hilly as the first but still challenging, my run time dropped way down but I was ok with that, #1 I had already run a tough 2 miles and #2 biked a demanding 16.8, so the fact my time was almost 13 min miles I was fine with. The folks at the water stop near the turn around were WONDERFUL, encouraging, clapping, cheering, telling you, ok you only have the other 1/2 to go. Got to the turn around and so much was going thru my head, all the self doubt I had was gone, I KNEW I was going to finish, I had no real goal time, my only goal WAS to finish. Got to the end of the run and that same first hill up, is now the same you have to go down. I slowed my pace a bit as I didn't want to go face first into the pavement, I could hear Kevin, Kristin, Lori and Steve all yelling my name, it was awesome! Finally got there, did some high fives, still running because I was not at the finish yet.. I do recall saying where is that freaking mat(meaning the finish line)! Got to the flat part and sprinted to the finish, and let me say OMgosh I have NO idea where the power came from for that finish, it was pure adrenline. I crossed that mat and there was Kevin - I was so glad I had sunglasss on so he couldn't see the tears welling in my eyes. I DID IT, I MADE IT and had energy to still stand and walk when it was over. I don't know if I was more proud of me or if Kevin was, I think it was shared equally.Walked over got an apple and a banana, some water, then walked over to the post party to find our crew. I think it took many hours for the smile to be removed from my face, and its still inside internally. I was shocked that I had any energy left at all, we hung at post party a while, then headed back, showered, went to a friend of a friends BBQ, then went to downtown Galena for some local event and dinner... Finally after a couple bottles of WELL deserved wine, we had with dinner, the fatique was setting in, so Kevin and I went back and I don't think my head even hit the pillow before I was out and I slept like a baby!!!My time was 2 hrs, 46 mins, 15 seconds... As Robin said, a PR for me :o) and something to now have a marker for improvement for - I think I will definately do this again next year and somehow must talk MsRobin into this one as she has talked me into some things! If I'm sorry about anything this weekend, its #1 that Kevin had a mishap with his day and #2 I missed coaches show and seeing some awesome LL folks but I know Robin told me everyone was rooting for me, so thank you ALL for the wonderful thoughts! I will take some time to check out all the photos Robin sent!I felt so on top of the world after this! I wish I could bottle that feeling and drink from it every single day!
Monday, January 15, 2007
Time for a change
I decided it was time to change the name of my blog. I really do believe everything in life, good, bad, somewhere in between, all those things happen for a reason. It pisses me off that sometimes I don't understand the reason right away, sometimes I may never understand the reason, but all things in life that happen to us, create the person that is YOU.
Many days I don't like ME, but I am learning to correct that(and its a damn slow process). I think deep down I am a good, kind, caring, beautiful person, but I was told different for so long, its hard to believe otherwise. Its amazing how screwed up a parent can make a child. Somedays I wish my mother just would have beat me, rather than beat and verbal abuse me. At least to me the physical abuse goes away when the pain subsides, but verbal abuse, cuts me to the core. BUT, I have decided to go back to therapy.
I can't say I necessarily understand all of my counselor's methods. Sometimes they make sense other times I just don't get it. He feels that we all have others inside our head; voices of our mother/father, our small child, our teenager/young adult and our adult, ok I can buy that to some extent I guess. Then he goes on to say we also have within us a lover, a warrior, a wizard and a medicine animal (I think) anyhow you have to learn when an issue is bothering you WHO is it bothering? The child, the teenager, or the adult, then who can you call on to help with the situation, your wizard, your lover, etc.... kind of a weird concept and sometimes it makes sense others.... well.....not so sure.
However, Kevin is doing his best to make me understand these concepts. Sometimes to his own detrement because I get frustrated, don't want to talk about it and just want to crawl inside myself. But he pushes till he gets an answer.
That's always been my way, crawl inside myself, don't let anyone in, keep everyone and everything at bay, to avoid getting hurt. Somehow Kevin finds a way around this and inside, like a magic freaking key or something. Not that I don't get pissed and sometimes just want tell him to go away, leave me alone, your getting to close.
Occasionally we see Rich the counselor together, other times seperate. I thought it strange at first, I mean we aren't even married, not having any problems, but perhaps seeing this counselor together sometimes will eleviate those 'problems' from every happening. I sometimes laugh at Kevin's concept of rabbits and elephants, but it makes sense. First communication (and admittedly I suck at it) is the key, there are nice ways to tell someone even something that isn't so pleasant. But a rabbit is a small problem and it becomes an elephant when we don't address it. And you can stuff a lot of rabbits in a closet but that closet can only hold so many elephants for so long before the door comes off the hinges.
I think I have a lot of elephants and they are close to breaking off the hinges of my 'door' and I am trying hard to learn to deal with them and remember that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!
Many days I don't like ME, but I am learning to correct that(and its a damn slow process). I think deep down I am a good, kind, caring, beautiful person, but I was told different for so long, its hard to believe otherwise. Its amazing how screwed up a parent can make a child. Somedays I wish my mother just would have beat me, rather than beat and verbal abuse me. At least to me the physical abuse goes away when the pain subsides, but verbal abuse, cuts me to the core. BUT, I have decided to go back to therapy.
I can't say I necessarily understand all of my counselor's methods. Sometimes they make sense other times I just don't get it. He feels that we all have others inside our head; voices of our mother/father, our small child, our teenager/young adult and our adult, ok I can buy that to some extent I guess. Then he goes on to say we also have within us a lover, a warrior, a wizard and a medicine animal (I think) anyhow you have to learn when an issue is bothering you WHO is it bothering? The child, the teenager, or the adult, then who can you call on to help with the situation, your wizard, your lover, etc.... kind of a weird concept and sometimes it makes sense others.... well.....not so sure.
However, Kevin is doing his best to make me understand these concepts. Sometimes to his own detrement because I get frustrated, don't want to talk about it and just want to crawl inside myself. But he pushes till he gets an answer.
That's always been my way, crawl inside myself, don't let anyone in, keep everyone and everything at bay, to avoid getting hurt. Somehow Kevin finds a way around this and inside, like a magic freaking key or something. Not that I don't get pissed and sometimes just want tell him to go away, leave me alone, your getting to close.
Occasionally we see Rich the counselor together, other times seperate. I thought it strange at first, I mean we aren't even married, not having any problems, but perhaps seeing this counselor together sometimes will eleviate those 'problems' from every happening. I sometimes laugh at Kevin's concept of rabbits and elephants, but it makes sense. First communication (and admittedly I suck at it) is the key, there are nice ways to tell someone even something that isn't so pleasant. But a rabbit is a small problem and it becomes an elephant when we don't address it. And you can stuff a lot of rabbits in a closet but that closet can only hold so many elephants for so long before the door comes off the hinges.
I think I have a lot of elephants and they are close to breaking off the hinges of my 'door' and I am trying hard to learn to deal with them and remember that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!
Saturday, January 06, 2007
I'm still alive
I'd like to say I've been busy but lazy is more like it :o)
Lots has gone on since my last post and well I'm just to lazy to go into it all. Suffice it to say things have changed, some good, some bad, all for a reason, some of which I have no idea, but it is all part of the life that is me.
Below is a recent picture of me and my new guy, Kevin. Met him on yahoo personals of all things, and let me say some good does come from the internet.
The picture is from Eve of the Eve in downtown Chicago. Had a good time, a bit to much to drink, open bars are dangerous, we took the train in so as to not worry about driving and parking. We were joined by Kevin's friend Lori and her new man Marc.
Lots has gone on since my last post and well I'm just to lazy to go into it all. Suffice it to say things have changed, some good, some bad, all for a reason, some of which I have no idea, but it is all part of the life that is me.
Below is a recent picture of me and my new guy, Kevin. Met him on yahoo personals of all things, and let me say some good does come from the internet.
The picture is from Eve of the Eve in downtown Chicago. Had a good time, a bit to much to drink, open bars are dangerous, we took the train in so as to not worry about driving and parking. We were joined by Kevin's friend Lori and her new man Marc.
