OK another goal for 2006

Is to do at least one century ride with a friend from Indiana, Jayme and a friend from Canada, Chris. We will converge on Jayme's place and do a ride somewhere in Indiana... In the mean time these are some pictures from a trip George and I took to Sparta WI where we went biking..

Today's weight

Scale reading today was 157.6...

So the EXTRA from the holidays is coming off. I'm sure there is a pound maybe 1.5 that might be true gain and not just water weight.

Now I need to start getting back on track with resistance training and cardio workouts.. Tomorrow is run club and that might be a good time to kick it in again.. Had hopes for today but I literally and honestly did not sleep a wink last night. Not sure if it was the conversation/discussion between George and I or something else but my fail safe method of falling asleep, watching a movie I've seen to many times to count, didn't even work. At 3am I was starting to panic, knowing I had to work today, then it was 4am, then 5, then 6 and time to get up. Being fair skinned and redheaded a bad night of sleep really shows on my face and today is no exception, yet I tried to lay down after I got home, but it wasn't working so I checked up on the blogs I follow.

Glad to see Lisa is feeling better, yet she too needs some sleep it sounds like. Rob thanks for the tip on the socks, I wear wicking material for tops and bottoms just never thought bout the socks. Kiles looks like you had a great time over the holidays with your winter wonderland. Julie, well I am just always impressed with her running and it looks like she had a great one today in the new snow and on her Bday to boot. Sarah had some fun shopping this week and STILL got some deals without standing in line at 4am. Found Ben's blog via Rob and downloaded a kick ass spreadsheet to track my running in 2006. Daemon seems pleased with his newest body fat readings inspite of the bit of holiday gain. I always love reading KT's blog, she writes with such enthusiasm,its fun to read. And a hello shout out to Amber and Turtle Guy.

I wish you all the best for the coming new year and no matter what YOUR goals are I hope you achieve them all in 2006 and if not I hope you learn something about yourself in the process.

Obsessed or Driven?

I'm not sure which I'd consider myself? yesterday I added one more thing to my plate for the coming year. I sent in an application to the leanness lifestyle bootcamp intensive. This is something I am not unfamiliar with and know what to expect but also know what I will get out of it.

In Jan 2002 when I was 215 pounds, I joined the leanness lifestyle a members only weight loss site. There was something to David Greenwalts no bullshit approach that appealed to me AND worked for me. It worked even better when I applied for and was accepted to one of his intensive challenges, DIVA II, in April of 2002. I began that challenge at 182 pounds and 10 wks later was 157. Using the principles set forth in David's program, which in its simplest form is clean eating, counting calories, and exercising both wieghts and cardio. In April 2003 he offered up another intensive challenge, Advanced Diva, I was once again accepted. I began at 151 and after 16 wks I was 131. Was it easy? NO NO NO it was not, but being 215 pounds wasn't either.

So fast forward to now... I am still a member of the leanness lifestyle, but like any drug addict or alcoholic can sometimes do, I have fallen off the wagon, my drug of choice being food. And I don't know why but I know doing this upcoming bootcamp, if I am accepted, will once again be the kick in the pants I need. I got an email from Dave that he wanted to reach a goal and have this be his best bootcamp to date but he was falling short of a goal he set for himself of participants. So in order for him to reach his goal he made an offer that personally I could not refuse. For past participants the entry fee would be $147.

I filled out the application right then and there. I didn't even think about anything else or I guess ANYONE else. Later that night when I spoke with George about it, he didn't seem to pleased. It has NOTHING to do with the money either, as most things don't for him. He said with everything else you want to do this coming year you want to add one more thing to your plate. George, having particpated in a mens intensive when he was a LL member, knows the intense focus that will be involved. He told me he thinks my plans/goals for the upcoming year are obsessive in nature. I don't know if I agree with that analysis or not to be honest.

I do know that getting back to 135-140 for a living everyday running around weight WON'T make my life any easier, it WON'T necessarily make me anything but someone who won't look at herself every single day in a mirror and HATE what she sees looking back at her.

I don't know why I continue to push myself to be honest. Maybe just to know I'm alive, to know I CAN do something or maybe that one time will be the time or the thing that makes me finally proud of something I've done.

Not that I haven't been proud of things I've done, but were they things to keep my mind off of other issues? Where they things that allowed me not to focus on the problems in front of me? Or are they things that maybe just one day will make my mother say she is impressed and proud of something I've done? Will I ever get to a point where enough is enough? But then again what is wrong with always wanting to do more?

I don't think my goals are all that lofty really.
1 - participate in LL bootcamp 5 wk intensive ( if accepted)
2 - attend Jen Hendershott's PHAT camp for a weekend
3 - compete in a body building competition in May
4 - do a 190 mile relay run in June (this dependant on run club getting enough team together)
5 - after BB show in May concentrate on training for LaSalle Bank Marathon in October
6 - within training for marathon run various local, 5ks, 10k's, etc. as part of my training runs

I'm not so blind or stupid as to think that my goals won't affect others around me. I know they will. And I can't guarantee that if I obtain a goal that I won't want to better it the next time BUT that does not mean I am not happy with what I did. Heck goals 1 and 4 are dependant on acceptance and getting enough of a team together so they may not even materialize.

I don't know maybe I am seeking something that I might NEVER find. Hell I might not ever know what it is I am even seeking out, let alone find it.

Down 2 already

Well I know its only water weight but sure was nice to see scale down 2 pounds this morning from yesterdays 161.6 to today's 159.6.

Tried to make some changes to my blog but not being very computer savvy I just about screwed it up.. Somehow I did mange to post a link to my food logs at the leanness lifestyle so for now I'll just be happy that I figured that much out. I tried to add another link and all the sudden that whole sidebar got dropped to the bottom... no idea what I did but managed to delete it and get it back so I will stop fooling with it for now..but I sure see some really cool blogs with awesome pictures in the title bar and count down trackers and such... Oh well I'm a numbers cruncher best to stick to what I know!

Got appt next week with chiro. to see if we can't relieve this nagging and constant pain in my right hip. I know some of it is NOT stretching but being that this DR is a runner and triathlete herself, perhaps she can assess my gait, my shoes, etc. If I were brave I might even try Sarah's accupunture, but will see if chiro can't work it out first. I HATE NEEDLES - I always told my mother that you'd never have to worry I might become a junkie, at 40 yrs old I still tear up when I have to get a shot.

Just a few days left

Doesn't it always seem like time just flies by when it gets close to the new year? I always find myself wondering where the time went. While I don't necessarily see eye to eye on most things with my mother, she was right about one thing, time does seem to go by faster the older we get. I wanted to be 18 so bad, mainly because we had such a terrible relationship and I wanted out of the house and out from under her rule.. And since that day in Sept that I turned 18 many years ago, the years have just seemed to roll by faster.

However I think 2006 will bring some great things, just as 2005 has. Not all of them will be perfect but all of them will be lessons learned along the way and they will continue to mold and shape me and hopefully make me a better, stronger and wiser person.

Picture collage from California

George put this on our desktop at home I thought it was kinda cool and wanted to post it in my blog. This is from a trip we took to Santa Cruz California this summer. We went to the Dave Draper Bash, met all kinds of wonderful folks to include Dave Draper, his wife Laree (talk about wonderful people), Bill Pearl, and Ed Corney. It was a fab. weekend. George even rented a convertible and on the drive back to the airport we stopped along the way for some pictures. It was a bit chilly but that didn't stop us from driving with the top down and the heat blasting.

Facing the Truth

Well I knew it wouldn't be pretty when I stepped on that white floor monster today, but I did it anyway. I know a good portion, at least 3-5 pounds, is water weight and I just gotta chug the water and eat super super clean and I should be back in the 150's quickly.

I had seen the 155 mark a few weeks ago but today was 161.6. So I really have my work cut out for me in order to go to Jen Hendershott's PHAT camp. So far two clean eating days are under my belt, now I need to get moving again in the direction of the gym. However its super crowded with idiots that are off this week from school, college and work, but no reason I can't get downstairs in the basement and lift some weights and either hit the treadmill for some miles or get my butt outside for a run.

I would have taken care of the run part if the freaking UPS guy would have shown up already. gotta love that window they give you of OH sometime between 2 and 6 pm and of COURSE its something that must be signed for don't ya know. so its 4:47pm and I sit and wait for the brown truck and wait and wait and wait.... I'm sure he will show up at 5:59pm, when its too dark to run outdoors... Maybe that will give me an idea of what to buy with my Running Store gift card, a light so I can run after dark!

Getting back on track

Not sure what's worse, to give up sweet stuff all together and NOT crave it after a while or to give into the temptation, eat it, then its like a junkie trying to give up heroin, you have given your body a taste and now it craves it again.

I got up today and said enough is enough though. I know the cravings will be with me for a few days but if I can just get past them, knowing they are only there cause I allowed myself the indulgences over the last few days, I'll be fine. And so far today all is good. I'm sure I haven't gotten in my gallon of water, nor did I get to the gym but I have eaten clean all day and its 9:30pm, tummy is growling but a chocolate protein shake will take care of that.

I was afraid to get on the scale but even that reality will have to come for me tomorrow. I know some programs tell you weighing every day is a bad thing, personally I think that is bullshit, but that has also come over the last two years of realizing that you can have a 1000 calorie day BUT if its mostly carbs, then the scale will tend to bounce up. I've learned and I know it takes over eating 3,500 calories over what your body needs to literally gain 1 pound but a lot of things like a womens cycle and where she is in it, a very heavy leg day, not getting in enough water, constipation... many things can effect the scale but for me weighing every single day has helped me to see patterns in my cycle, it has helped me NOT to freak out when I see a two pound gain over night but know I had a few to many processed carbs the day before - so while it may not be for everyone, weighing every single day for me keeps me in check. Not doing it every day allows me to pretend that somethings didn't happen, it allows me to NOT see the reality.

And face the reality of my last few days is what I MUST do tomorrow - it won't be pretty but it also won't freak me out, its hard to explain, otherwise I will just be able to continue to play head games with myself.

Ok off to make my protein shake, read a bit more in my Non runners marathon guide, then lights out.

Aren't they a cute couple?

The kids

Caitlin, Nick, Zack and Colin on Christmas Eve.

Caitlin and Colin

Hopefully Ms.Caitlin will buy some new jeans with her Target gift cards :o)

Merry Christmas All

Wow what a whirlwind this day always is! so much hype for one day then in a flash its over and your left with empty boxes, wrapping paper to pick up and a bare tree :o)

The day was great. I won't say it was great for my diet but I decided to throw caution to the wind for a couple of days and just enjoy the holidays, all the food, the drink, the treats - of course when you don't eat like that on a regular basis it sure does reak havoc on your digestive system.

Christmas eve was spent with George's family at his brothers house. We had meatball and sausage sandwiches, cesaer salad, apple and pumpkin pie for dessert. George had gotten some wonderful vanilla flavored cognac to sip on and boy oh boy was that stuff YUMMY! George's mom does the coolest stockings for the adults. The kids get to open gifts first, then while they are off playing with what they got, the adults get to go thru their stockings mom makes up. She puts the coolest stuff in there, BP gas cards, Target card, M&M's, batteries, tissues, chap stick, just all kinds of wonderful things. Afterwards we had to take the kids to thier mom's side of the family - George and I are always invited to stay but I think it gets to George.. he isn't one that is much for crowds and his ex has a huge family so I think all the people, kids, adults, noise, hustle and bustle in general starts to overwhelm him - so we had a drink and left, they kids came home round 11pm or so... I can recall George waking up at 3am, telling the kids they needed to get to bed, we already had all the gifts under the tree.. well when we woke at 6:30ish, they were both sound asleep in the recliners.

They woke up once we started moving around making coffee and such, so we opened our gifts.. I think the kids were happy with what they got. At least I hope so. Of course I know between the gift cards we got them and what they got from their mom's side of the family, they just couldn't understand why target wasn't open today... They were told their rooms had to be cleaned if they expected to go to Target tomorrow to spend the cards... I hope George holds to that since he also told them their rooms had to be cleaned before anyone opened gifts and that was 2 days before Christmas, then this morning he said ok we can open gifts but then you have to clean up your rooms... so he always goes back on this and they both know it, but we will see if he sticks to this tomorrow when they are both wanting to go to Target - call me a hard ass but one thing is for sure I won't be taking them IF the rooms are not clean - there is nothing wrong with children having certain responsibilities and being made to stick to them or suffer the consequences if they don't. Like I said we'll see what happens.

I do have to say George was so right on with the gifts he got me.. I guess he does listen when I mention things in passing. I got the Oral B sonic care toothbrush I wanted(I know call me weird but this thing is GREAT), I got the Core Secrets exercise ball and DVD's I had been talking about, a gift card to the Running Store (he addressed it to his future marathoner) decisions there, new shoes, some new cool weather running clothes.... however the surprise gift was certainly the jewelry I got. We had gone to the Arnold Classic in March and at the expo there was a vendor there selling this cool jewelry, Gym Gems, and there was a belly ring I liked, 14K gold and it had a barbell on the end, very unique and very cool if your into bodybuilding, so he got me that belly ring along with a necklace with a barbell on it and a ring! The ring looks like a barbell with weights on the end and then its wrapped around so the two ends meet, its very cool

Its such a unique ring but the story of how he even got my ring size is even better.. I had figured he found a ring he had seen me wear before in my jewelry box, I don't wear them often cause its kinda hard to grip a barbell or dumbbell with a ring on and if you wear lifting gloves well a ring presents other problems, but anyhow that isn't how he did it at all.. I guess he got some ring sizers from a jeweler and one night when I musta been pretty dead dog tired and out like a dead person, he sized my finger. How he did this without me waking up is a miracle I am SUCH a light sleeper, but somehow he found the chance/opportunity and took his chances. I mean how cool is that eh?

I think I was pretty ok with what I got George. He is pretty hard to buy for so I always try to go practical.. I finally found a clock for our workout room downstairs.. it has a lifter on it that said Lift hard or Go home, finding a bodybuilding themed clock wasn't easy, got him some other things he could use, like new sweats, gift certificates for oil changes, couple sets of the ear phones he likes.. just little stuff. I could only wish someday to be able to afford a nice gift for him like he does get for me... and he does this all the time not just necessarily on special holidays.. He's the kinda guy who buys you flowers for no reason at all and after all those are the BEST flowers to get!

THANKS for the suggestions

So yesterday while in Borders I did pick up the Non Runners Marathon Guide and a copy of Runners World magazine. I'm not even to the week one training but I LOVE what I've read so far. How this author talks about how we let life be an excuse for so many things.. Matter of fact another blogger I know continues to let life get in their way and I think I might have to copy those parts of the book and send them to this person.. Because it just does NOT apply to running a marathon, it really speaks about things we want in general.

I do know that I can not train for a marathon while training for a bodybuilding competition - the two disciplines do not go hand in hand. While running is a GREAT way for me to get in my needed cardio, training for a marathon would tear down to much muscle that needs to be built for the stage.

However with that said... My competition in May 6th and there is no reason I can't, as I said, use running as part of my cardio training. It does say in the book that the training for the marathon is 16 wks but you have abuot a month of preliminary stuff to do, well even though by that point I will be beyond the preliminary training point......

Ok getting off track I guess basically what I'm looking at is BB show May 6th and 5 months and a couple wks after that its October and the LaSalle Bank marathon in Chicago?? Could this be an almost like it was suppose to happen moment?

I'm gonna read the book now and read it again later, could this really be me talking? I person who hates to run actually thinking about doing a marathon, 26.2 miles all by myself? do I have what it takes?

Books on Running

When you began running were there any books you read that helped your training? When you thought for the first time about pushing out your distance on runs, did you just do it? What about when you began to think about running your first marathon, were there any books or manuals you read that helped you with your plan?

I came to borders to have a look see and there are tons of books and training logs and such, its really enough to overwhelm a person. How do you know which is better than another? I don't so I'd thought perhaps I'd ask all of you that read this and are runners.

As far as reading goes, I won't say I'm not a reader, I do like to read, always have ever since I was a kid but I can't stand to read things that are long and full of techno jargon - I mean if your not a computer person, its kinda hard to pick up a book on computers and understand what you read if its all in techno language... Same with running, or cycling or weight lifting... Heck it took me a while to figure out when reading about resistance training what a PR or PB was (personal record or personal best) - I hate books that are written with the thought in mind that you just KNOW what these acronyms mean... oh my spot with eletric is open gotta move quick!!

Day 50 - T minus 138 and counting

Today was a cardio only day. I woke up with a slammin' headache and terrible cramps, being a female can truly suck sometimes. No babies in my future so bring on menopause! hot flashes and all, as much as I'm freezing cold all the time, I think I'd welcome the hot flashes :o)

I went to the gym feeling lousy and told myself "self just get in 30 minutes and call it a day" well I got started on the treadmill and found that it was actually relieving some of the cramping, so I kept going and before I knew it I had gone a bit over 5 miles. I wasn't out to break any land speed records or anything but did find myself running at 7mph for short moments at a time.

George just kept looking at me mocking me saying "i'm not a runner" and well I really don't consider myself one. I'm a wanna be runner and I think I will FEEL like a runner when I can actually run a 5K without stopping. Then of course, since I am the hardest on myself, I won't feel like a runner till I can run a 10K without stopping to walk, and so on and so forth... He just looks at me, smiles and says yeah sure you'll be doing a marathon in the next year, I can see it... Lord knows George can always see things in me that I don't, so who knows.

Round 2 for the day

Ok got back to the gym and got my cardio in... Wasn't the most vigorious I've done but it was something.. per the elliptical settings I completed over 5000 strides for a distance of over 4.10.. Someday I will figure out exactly how and if this distance on an elliptical relates to miles in any way. Did cardio coach Volume 1, pretty much kept heart rate in 75% range.

Really thinking about calling Polar and checking into this exchange program... I've chatted with others that have used it to upgrade and that is what I want to do.. not sure what model but definately one with down loadable files and one that could track running, cycling and other activities, not necessarily a tri. HR monitor, but one that could track 3 activities seperately. Kinda looked at them on line tonight, just perusing not really reading about all the bells and whistles, but heck if I can get like $150 on trade for the one I have, that would make a few of them I looked at only about $150.. that is doable... Plus I still have the HRmonitor I got when I did that bootcamp class this spring.. it was part of the fee for joining (included in the price) so that would still leave me with two... so maybe I could just look for one to track cycling and running, and use the other for my other activities like resistance training, and my various cardio activties at the gym.... hhhmmm decisions, decisions...

Day 49 - T Minus 139 and counting

Baby its cold outside! I guess on days like today I'll always wonder why I didn't move to Florida or California or at least somewhere warm 99% of the time..

Yesterday was kind of a ugh day... I'm not sure what is going on with me. Between the constipation issues, which make no freaking sense cause I'm eating pretty damn clean and healthy, my TOM which is around the corner and any day now and now all day yesterday I was suffering from dizzy spells, I feel like I'm falling apart at 40.

I seemed to be ok upon waking up Sunday, so we headed to the grocery store as usual, about 1/2 way thru George is looking at me and talking to me but I just couldn't focus on what he was saying, nor could I focus on his face... it was like he was there but he seemed so far away???? I grabbed onto the cart for fear of losing my balance and falling on the ground... He looked at me and asked if I was ok and I said yeah just feel a bit dizzy all the sudden "well is your blood sugar low" he asked " no don't think so, I ate breakfast" I said, so as we walked past the bakery in the store they had cookie samples, he got me a cookie, I ate it but didn't feel any better. We finished up the shopping but I just kept getting these dizzy spells that came and went. This lasted all day yesterday... ALL DAY! George even went with me to Sam's Club as he was to worried about me driving myself. Thankfully I feel ok today or at least free of dizzy spells...

Today George was able to pick Colin up from the LC, so I only had to drop him off then head home... Well duh I missed my exit on the way home.. Being that I was not traveling in the usual 5pm rush hour traffic, the ride went pretty quick and I guess I wasn't paying much attention to where I was, cause my exit came and went, without me taking it... And I have the WORST sense of direction as it is, so now I'm in expressway hell trying to figure out how to get off the next exit and find my way back, with all the construction its not like its easy off and easy on.. So finally I get myself to where I know where I'm at, get back on expressway and head for home. Get home, change to gym clothes and off I go again... Totally spacing how crowded the gym would be with kids home for the holiday break.

The free weight room was PACKED with a bunch of high school and college age lunk heads, pretending to be weight lifters when in reality they were standing around flapping their yaps! I was so pissed trying to navigate amongst the children, I skipped cardio and opted to go back later tonight to get it in. I did get an arm and shoulder workout in..

BB standing curls - 1x10x25, 2x11x35, 1x12x40
Tricep pushdown - 1x10x30, 1x11x50, 1x10x55, 1x10x60
Preacher curl - 1x7x40, 1x12x35, 1x2x40
DB Seated Tri Ext - 1x9x35, 1x10x35, 1x8x35
DB side Raise - 2x11x15, 1x15x12 - tried for 20 lb db's but a 5lb jump is a bit much and the lunk heads seemed to have the 17.5 pounders somewhere in their possession.

It was a good workout I just don' t have the time or patience for those that want to stand around and shoot more bull then lift weights. pump the damn iron or get the hell outta my way.

A little farther today

Not wanting to lose what little stamina I've built up from the 5k training class, I've decided to make an effort to get out with the run club.. They run Tuesday and Thursday nights but until the trips to Deerfield are done I don't get home in time, and they run on Saturday mornings.

So despite the 5 degree temps (and below zero windchill) I got up and met the group at Starbucks downtown at 8am, after some announcements we headed off. The route on Saturday's is a bit longer than the 3 miles I'm use to, but gotta push yourself sometimes right.. So today I did 4.4 miles, not really sure how long it took since I didn't start my monitor when we headed off. I had it on monitor, to keep a check on heart rate but not exercise so really not sure bout the time. I know we started round 8am and Suzy and I got back to Starbucks by 9. The path was a bit snow covered and slick in spots but being out with the group made me push myself to run more. I'm still a run/walker but today I wanted to keep up as much as possible.

Like I've said before our run clubs moto is no one runs alone, so even if a slower runner, such as myself comes out, on of the more seasoned runners will keep my pace. I will be so thrilled the first time I can actually go and run the entire distance, don't care what the speed or time will be, I know I will just be thrilled to run it completely! In time grasshopper in time!

AH a Day to myself - sorta

I've been so tired this week for some reason? The trips to Deerfield can really be very draining. I know I know seems weird to think sitting in traffic can drain you but it really does. Throw some mother nature on top of that and all hell breaks loose.

But today Colin has a play at school they are going to see so he won't be going to the learning center today. They have been reading the Christmas Carol for the last couple of months in language arts class (we use to call it English) and they are capping off the reading with the entire 7th grade going to see the play at a local playhouse and then eating at Old Country Buffett (YUCK in my opinion).

I am off work today so no work, no ride to Deerfield, just kind of a day to be a slug or whatever.. So you think I'd sleep in? Nope never been able to, even as a kid I was always up early, my best friend could sleep in till noon, but 7am was about my limit. Even times when I'd be out doing the party girl thing till 3am, still up round 7, draggin ass the whole day mind you... must be something about my internal body clock, its been years since I've had to set an alarm even.

I do have to do a work thing tonight... Our boss is taking us gals out to dinner. I know I should be thrilled but its to a French resturant and they don't cook to healthy, so I'm spazzing over what I'm going to eat there. Tonight is also the run clubs monthly social outting and I will pop in over there after the work thing.

I'm having a hard time believing its already darn near the end of the year... But lots to look forward to in 2006.

#1 Colin will be done with learning center and I know he will be heading back into class full time making those teachers that had no hope for him doing double takes! YES!

#2 In March I will get to go to Minneapolis Minnesota to Jen Hendershott's PHAT camp with a friend of mine from Gurnee Robin and I am hoping even if Julie doesn't go to the camp, that she lives close enough that I will get to meet up with her - I am always amazed at her running skills.

#3 In May there are two things going on first is the bodybuilding competition on the 6th, then we are off to the Bahamas on the 8th! I will be so freaking ripped I can't wait!

#4 in June, well I've expressed an interest with my run club to do a 190 mile relay from Madison Wisconsin to Chicago IL - imagine this from a gal that doesn't like to run or didn't like to run :o)

I'm sure many more things will be added to the calendar in the time to come. Gosh even Caitlin will no longer be at the junior high anymore.... She will have her first formal dance this year too, with many more to come for her I hope... I never went to any dances or proms so I will get to live it thru her.

Well my tummy is talking to me and saying FEED ME, so its off to make some eggbeaters and morning star sausages, do some laundry, straighten the house a bit, then hit the gym for legs and cardio!

Really stepping outta the box....

www.greatmidwestrelay.com - 190 mile relay race from Madison Wisconsin to Chicago IL

this website was posted on my running clubs message board. Its not until June 2006 but they are looking to see how much interest there is as far as forming a team is concerned. I checked out the website and this actually looks like a GREAT time. And this is coming from someone who honestly really does not like to run but is totally hooked on the high of completing a race. I know its been 2 5K races, no big deal but I'm finding I do like it. I have trouble getting my butt out the door to go it alone, but I find myself looking forward to the Saturday runs with run club and wishing I could make it back in time for the Tuesday and Thursday runs.

I posted my interest on the run clubs board, as long as they are looking to have fun and not necessarily finish in first place, I'm a good contender for the team..

Day 42 - T minus 146 and counting

I knew it was going to happen and it was just a matter of time as to when. Trying to pack for the gym with workout clothes and then stuff to wear after I've showered. Before the trips to the learning center for Colin I went to the gym in town.. no worries it was less than 2 miles from home so I didn't have to pack a darn thing but my MP3 player, my water bottle and my membership card. I went there dressed in workout clothes, came home in the same... grabbed a shower and got on with my day. Well since the trips to deerfield leave me with nothing to do for 4 hrs, I get my workout in during this time... well and of course catch up with e-mail and blogs and such if time permits...

So I stupidly did not pack my bag last night and had about 15 minutes to do so before I picked up Colin. I had to get my gym bag ready, his snack bag ready, my foods to eat on the road, fill water bottle, let the dog out and for gosh sake hit the potty to tinkle.... I was moving like lightening, moving at the speed of sound.. all the while leaving the house feeling like I forgot something.. but hell we all get those feeling from time to time right?? So I drop Colin, drive to the gym after getting gasoline, go to get workout clothes on and BAM it hits me what I forgot... my 2nd sports bra... I wear two not cause the gals are too large, but because sadly nature has taken her toll on them and they need the extra support for when your bouncing around on the treadmill or whatever... I was so ready to bag the entire workout, just say hell with it.... but I sucked it up with my one lone sports bra, the gals were not looking pretty, and I at least did my resistance training... the cardio will have to wait till I get home tonight at which time I will have to FORCE myself to do it. I hate working out in the evening... and its taken some time to get use to working out mid-day but I have... generally I am an AM workout gal but I really wanted to keep my nose to the grindstone this week so I could enjoy an indulgence with some friends this Saturday as we have dinner plans at the Italian place, so like it or not, be it on the home treadmill or going to the gym. I WILL GET MY CARDIO IN!! I am making that promise to myself and all of you that read up on me! I can let myself down but I can't let you all down..

I'm not a huge fan of cosmetic surgery but I gotta say if the opportunity ever presents itself I want new boobs! Nothing large and out there, I just want them like they use to be, firm and perky. A nice full C is just fine with me.. I don't need Dolly parton or Pamela Anderson ta ta's ...

So I will update later or tomorrow with my cardio workout and what my resistance training workout was since I left my worksheet in the car... ok its almost 5pm so time to pack up laptop and head back to center to get Colin...

Day 41 - T minus 147 and counting

Guess its catch up time again... Been pretty lazy these past few days. Well in some respects.. My right hip that has been causing me trouble I decided to give it a bit of a rest so I'd be ready for today's 5K. I wanted to be able to beat my time from the Turkey Trot ya know!

Well the venture home in the snow Thursday turned out to be a nightmare. It took us 3 hours to get home, we moved at 20 mph tops for the entire ride home. I was wiped out by the time I got in the door, between watching tail lights in front of me, headlights behind me and inching along. It really didn't snow tons, at least not for Chicago area, its just that it started about 3pm and by the time there was any accumulation to be removed, the plows couldn't get to it because of rush hour traffic. They are predicting more snow this week and if it happens I hope it happens around 6pm, that will make a world of difference in road conditions. Being in the car so long with no way to stretch that leg caused my hip to really start to hurt, to the point of tears, but I was stuck in traffic there was nothing I could do but suck it up.. Sadly there was a terrible accident at Midway airport. A plane skidded off the runway and Midway is literally surrounded by streets and residential area. A 6 yr old boy was killed. Looking at the accident on the news its amazing more were not killed or seriously injured.

No workout Friday or Saturday. but Sunday was race day.. The Reindeer Run sponsored by Lifetime Fitness.. It was a fun run and folks came dressed as Santa and Mrs. Claus, Reindeer, Elves, banana's and in my opinion the best costume prize should have gone to these 3 guys dressed like Elvis in his white jumpsuit, they had the slicked back jet black hair, the huge sunglasses, it was funny!

My time on the Turkey Trot was chip timed, meaning they give you this cool gizmo to attach to your shoe so when you cross the start line your time starts.. In a race with a lot of folks, like the Turkey Trot that had over 3500 runners, it can be 4+ minutes before you actually cross the official startline, so the chip goes off for you when you hit that line.. Then when you cross the finish line same thing, then later that day you can go to a website and get your official time.. So on Thanksgiving Day I was 36:16 chip time, my HR monitor had me at 36:30. For the reindeer run I wanted to beat that time.. I said I would love to make today at 35 flat or less...

Well I beat my TT time of 36:16 by 1:11, I didn't get 35 flat or less but I did get 35minutes and 5 seconds. So I am very pleased with that. I doubt I will ever be a fast runner, one that gets any prize for actually coming in first in my age group, but as long as I can always improve against myself, that is all that matters to me.

Living in the midwest there aren't a lot of races until spring time rolls around. but I will continue running as I don't want to lose the bit of stamina I have built up. I generally don't make it home in time to go on runs with the run club on Tuesday and Thursdays but they run on Saturday mornings and I CAN make those runs. They are such a great group, that gets joy out of helping others reach their goals and just getting others into the sport of running in general. I have also volunteered to help be the social director for the group, so it will be a lot of fun and a great way to make some new friends that enjoy running.

I honestly thought these run clubs were a bunch of snobby elite runners who have no time for wanna bes like me.. I'm glad I took the time to realize, at least this group, is NOT like that at all. They were right there at the finish line today, our 5K class leaders, Joe, Noelle and Suzy, rooting all of us on and snapping pictures, I can't wait to see the one of me coming across that finish line!

I'm feeling a bit better about the upcoming holiday. I have to thank both Sarah and Kylie for their ideas. And for the reminder that its what is in my heart and soul that matter.

Saturday I had to get my oil changed and I just love the guys at the Oil Depot. This is truly a place that still knows the meaning of customer service. I actually drive out of my way to get my oil changed there and I am willing to pay a few dollars more just because I appreciate the customer service. I mean literally from the time I drive my car into the bay to the time they are done and I am on my way is about 20 minutes TOPS! more often then not its less then that. And they don't up sell you a bunch of shit.. They have come into the service area on previous visits and said you know your air filter will need to be changed soon but it'll be good to go till your next visit or we looked at your gas filter and its fine, doesnt' need to be replaced yet... So I've gotten into the habit of spoiling my 'boys' when I go there. I bake them brownies, cookies, stop and get them coffee and donuts. Well prior to my trips to Deerfield, I barely put 3000 miles on my car, but George does with all his trips back and forth to Wisconsin. They asked him last time if I'd be coming in before the holidays.. So like I said I had to go Saturday and I baked them brownies, from scratch, and blueberry muffins - they loved it and I was so proud of myself for not eating half the pan before I left the house. Nope I had George sample a brownie for me and I had one bite of the one I gave him - they were pretty good and oddly I was satisfied with that one bite? Go figure..

So that small bit of baking seemed to lift my spirits some.. I get so much pleasure out of baking goodies, but I refrain from it now because I will eat WAY to much. To the point of being ill. And if my plan is to compete again in May, I don't have time to fool around with a 20 lb gain from holiday cookies/baking. But I use to bake 1000's of cookies every year and give them away as gifts in pretty tins, but the tempation isn't worth it - and quite honestly George's kitchen is NOT condusive to a lot of baking, no counter space, etc. I think what I might do is make homemade bread instead. While you can sample a cookie from every batch and who would know, its not like you can sample a piece of bread from a loaf and it not be noticed and who doesn't like homemade bread right?

Well the weekend is about over and the weeks madness will begin again. Got workouts all planned for the week, chest/back and cardio Monday, Cardio only tuesday, Legs and cardio Wednesday, Cardio only Thursday and then Arms/Shoulders and cardio Friday, then run club Saturday morning - we are also heading out to a nice italian dinner on Saturday with some friends, so gotta be super clean with eating and get my exercise in so I can indulge a bit on Saturday. I love a good Italian resturant with the really good oil for your bread and freshly grated parm.cheese! I can skip the pasta and I will probably opt for fish actually or chicken but can't resist good bread with great dipping oil!

Christmas Time - Depression time is more like it

I am really starting to panic over the Christmas holiday. I do this every year. I love the tradition of the day, seeing decorated houses, the holiday music, seeing friends/family. But what I hate is the commercialism that has taken over such a wonderful time of year..

Fuckin eh it starts even before Halloween. Stores start to put up holiday decorations and not pumpkins, ghosts and goblins NOPE santas, angels, and elves. Nobody or so it seems even remembers WHY we celebrate this day in the first place, the birth of baby Jesus (who in reality was NOT born in December but we, as a Christian society made this day).. its all about the gifts and who can out do who.. How far in debt can we go for this one day?

As a kid, when my mom was with my step dad, Christmas was great. My stepfather, even though, God rest his soul, I realize now as an adult, was really not this great person I thought he was, spoiled me rotten. I wanted for nothing and Christmas was no exception. But as I got older, parents divorced, and mom was working to support 3 of us, things weren't as great. Granted my mother could have used her money more wisely but she didn't... there were many many Christmas Days that we were dirt poor and if it wasn't for welfare bringing gifts to the house or whatever organization did that, we would have had NOTHING, no presents to open that day.

I find that now as an adult its not any easier.. Especially right now with me bringing home about $100 a week working less than part time. I feel in such a panic that I have no money to buy anyone anything, even though the only ones I really worry about are Caitlin, Colin and my nieces and nephews. Today is Dec 8th, the holiday is a bit over 2 wks away and I have NOTHING... and it makes me very very depressed and panicky...

I literally had to calm myself down thinking about this the other day... What am I going to get George and even if I knew WHAT I have no idea where the money would come from at all... I am dead dog broke. I really don't want him to get me anything either... Right now he is pretty much paying my bills since I'm working less so I can take Colin back and forth. And yes even though Colin is his son I don't think of it like that.

Maybe I should but that's not my style... I don't do things because I expect anything for doing them.. I do this because I love Colin and I want the best for him and I know this time at the learning center will pay off for him in time.

Even when times have been good money wise regarding Christmas, the day after is a very depressing day.. I think its all that hoopla for the day, the ballyhoo leading up to that day and then its Dec 26th and there is nothing. But this year I think the day of will be just as depressing as the day after...

Day 38 - T minus 150 and counting

No work this morning so I was able to get my workout in this morning.. it was cardio only.. Sadly I couldn't drag myself outside for a run, it was cold. How I ever did it on Thanksgiving morning when it was about 2 degrees or even subzero at times with the wind chill is beyond me.

I got in 30 min on treadmill doing intervals, 30 minutes on the arc trainer and 10 minutes on those revolving steps. I will get in another chest/back and arms/shoulders workout but legs they will have to wait till after the 5K on Sunday.

Since I got it out of the way earlier today, I'm able to spend some time catching up email and such. So after dropping off Colin, I headed to the Borders. However there is one place/table where you can plug in your laptop battery and someone was already taking up that spot.. So I checked the leanness lifestyle forum and then realized my battery was running low... So I packed up, and decided to head over to Panera, I was hungry anyhow so that worked out well.. What a nice suprise too..

I'm sitting in the parking lot at Borders talking to George to find out how his meeting today went and I look up to see this car pulling in the lot and lo and behold it was him... Silly guy! I love him so much.. He said he had to stop since it was on his way too cause he couldn't wait till 6:30 tonight to see me! Well if those words don't make a girls heart melt... Its nice to be wanted, needed and loved! So he came over to my car, we chatted a bit. He told me Ted actually closed the deal with MPower and looks like we are indeed going to be heading to the Bahamas.. I'm sure this deal probably pushed them above the 5th slot but at any rate the top 15 teams get to go.. Quota 1.8million, probably close at 2.2.. this will sure make all those times he has to be on the road and away from home worth while. So he headed on home and I headed to Panera for something to eat..

I can understand how George's eating on the road can sabotage even the best attempts to stay on track.. I looked up Panera's menu and not a whole lot on there is lean eating friendly... I opted for the French onion soup without the cheese and croutons and got 1/2 a garden veggie sandwich on the low carb italian bread.. I know the soup comes in around 85 calories the sandwich I will have to look up later and log at leanness lifestyle. Got my protein pudding and an apple in the car to eat on the way home..

Tonight is Colin's chorus concert and I won't have time to fuss with dinner.. packed him some extra stuff so he can eat on the way home... Course its started to snow here in Chicagoland and they are predicting about 6 inches (if you can believe the weather man) so the school may just cancel the concert.. I will call George when I am on my way home to have him check on this... no since trying to get Colin to the school in time if its cancelled and I know traffic will be even more of a nightmare with the snow falling now.. I predict at least a 2 hr venture home tonight..

Day 37 - T minus 151 and counting

I'm really hoping the email G got today was incorrect on the dates of the Atlantis trip.. There is no way I could go and enjoy myself if its the week before the competition, or I'd have to change my plans and do a different one but Kevin does a great job hosting... I'm postive its May 8th but won't worry till its really time to worry. Right? Right!

Today was a cardio day only since I've worked all body parts this week already. Can cycle thru again but don't want to work legs again till after Sunday's 5k... I've been very bad about outdoor runs, but its darn cold in Chicago area.. Today's high was 18 and its been worse earlier in the week. I don't have to work tomorrow so I really need to force myself outside, cold or not... then perhaps instead of cardio at the gym after I drop off Colin, I can just go soak in the hot tub/whirlpool - this darn hip is nagging me again.. That's what I get for not being diligent with stretching afterwards...

did 30 minutes on recumbent bike and then 33 minutes on the Natural Runner (an elliptical like piece of equipment).

Now I sit here, not hungry, but bored and I want to just troll for food... Why can't I find more productive stuff to do when I'm bored, read, balance check book, something besides open and close the damn door to the fridge? Unconscience eating is what put this weight back on me and doing it isn't going to get me any closer to placing better at my next competition - I just have to remember there might be someone out there training harder than me that I will be up against.

May 6th seems so far off but in reality 151 days ain't that far off. Not when I need to knock off pounds and bodyfat. I promised myself IF I was going to do this again that I wanted to be able to stand on that stage and KNOW in my heart I did EVERYTHING I could to be my best that day and damn it that's what I'm gonna do.

Day 36 - T minus 152 and counting

Just got some new reason to keep on this journey.. Looks like we are going to Atlantis!!! The top 15 sales teams with G's company get to go and bring a guest. The Wisconsin team, which he is part of, are in slot 5 now with 4 wks to go! At 123% and they should be closing a good deal this week! YAHOO! Man oh man will this be a great way to celebrate.

With all the money George is having to put out for Colin's education at the learning center, and having to pick up some slack with my reduced salary since I am taking him back and forth 90% of the time, it will be a vacation we don't have to pay for.. Well I'm sure somethings will have to be paid out of pocket, drinks, souveniors, possibly flight to Florida (maybe Laura can get us on ATA?), etc. but for the most part it will be paid for by the company.

And will I be looking freaking awesome, you bet your ass I will. Especially if I compete in May on the 6th! The trip starts on the 8th I do believe, OMG what a way to celebrate a lot of things!

today was arms/shoulders day and of course the obligatory cardio...

Tripushdwn 2x11x40, 1x10x50
BB Curl 2x11x25, 1x10x35
PCurl 2x11x35, 1x7x40
DBTriExt 3x11x30
DBSideRaise 2x11x15, 1x20x4

the workouts in muscle professor are pushing up but a 5 pound jump in side lateral raises is a bit much, with a spot I coulda eeked out a few more but no sense in pushing the envelope of injury without a spotter. The last set of preacher curls, HMMM think I coulda gotten more if the 40 lb bar had been an EZ curl bar, doing p.curls w/straight bar feels really weird and kinda un-natural. Afterward I hit my favorite cardio equipment, the elliptical, and did cardio coach Vol4, then just finished out the timer for a full 60 minutes. V4 is tough, especially that last challenge, but as Sean would say, "but that's what your here for right" RIGHT! bring it on!

Day 35 - T minus 153 and counting

Nothing really exciting, not that any of my stuff is anyhow, just a journal for me to look back at someday.

Today was Leg day which by Wednesday will feel like lead day. I love/hate leg day - love it for what it does for my legs and hate it for the way they feel for a couple days afterwards...

Squats 4x10x90
Leg Ext. 4x10x55
Leg Press 2x10x90 and 2x10x180
DB deadlift 4x10x35
Calf Raise 4x10x25

Afterward was cardio coach V1 on the treadmill.. I usually do my CC on elliptical so the t.mill was a whole new prespective. Thought I'd get back for more cardio tonight but not looking that way.

Day 34 - T minus 154 and counting

Sometimes the simplest days are the best. Great start to the day once again with some great lovin'... Then it was time to get the day rolling, or at least the day outside the bedroom..

Hit the grocery store early today, hoping to miss the crowds and crappy baggers and checkers that are there later in the day. Sorta worked, we missed the crowds and had a great checker but had to bag our own and thats fine too. Came home and hit the gym.. Talk about your perfect timing, even the free weight area wasn't crowded, course it is Sunday and it is football day, works for me if I don't have to wait for equipment. So I got a chest/back workout in, then some elliptical time.

Close grip pulldown 2x11x80 and 1x10x90
DB Inc press 2x11x35 and 1x10x40
DB Rows 2x11x25 and 1x10x30
BB Bench 2x11x75 and 1x10x85
then it was off to the elliptical for 40min w/Cardio Coach V2

Other than that just a nice lazy day before the start of the week..

Day 33 - T minus 155 and counting

Gotta love when the day starts with great sex!

Today was 5k training w/run club, our last class. We got to run the route that we will run on Dec 11th for the Reindeer Run, was great, but during the run it will be even better without the traffic. I found out today however that its really just a 'fun' run put on by our gym, there won't be any chip timing so I will have to just time myself w/my heart rate monitor. I did that today and I clocked myself at 31 minutes.. How cool would that be to know I can/could actually knock 5 minutes off my turkey trot time... We'll see next Sunday a lot of things can be a factor in my finish time.

The leaders of the 5K class have a special yoga class set up for us after the run, then they have invited us all to Buffalo Wild Wings when they open at 11.. Not sure about that, see how I feel first. Besides we are suppose to go to this cool fondue place, George and I..That is if he remembers... He mentioned it about 6 wks ago but I was doing great and getting back into the swing of things full force and didn't want to stop my momentum, so I asked if I could take a rain check and go as my treat/reward after the Reindeer Run. We'll see if he remembers, if not I may not even mention it. I am on a roll and don't necessarily want to stop that ball right now.

I know part of my insomnia could be touch of over training, but I went back to the gym again tonight. I kept it light, put it on hill setting for 30 minutes @3.5 mph. Was a little dizzy for some reason, so I really did not push my luck.

Came home and tried out my hot air popcorn popper, not quite the same as oil popped or mircowave homestyle w/butter, but at least I know it was a good snack and healthier for me.

People watching

Funny the things you see/hear when you people watch. Sitting at the Borders in the cafe and its actually a pretty hopping place. Earlier two gentleman were here discussing a business venture, it all seemed to end well, then two ladies, friends I imagine getting together for coffee, were chatting and catching up with one another, talking about their kids, movies they've seen recently, the upcoming weekend events.

There is a 40ish gentleman here reading the paper drinking his coffee, might be the only time he gets some 'me' time to read his paper or perhaps he is a commuter and is trying to avoid some traffic.

Another gentleman, older, sits by the window with a stack of magazines, he's been here about as long as I have.

A young white gal with dreadlocks in her hair buying coffee. A middle age lady reading a book on John Lennon. A college student, looks like she is doing some research.

And the best is a group of 4 older gentleman that appear to come here often, perhaps once a week to catch up with each other. They have talked politics, religion, spouses, senior issues, TSA/airport issues, the ecomomy, imports/exports, world politics, its actually quite interesting listening to them. They don't seem to agree on all the issues they are discussing, yet the seem to respect the others opinions. Makes you wonder how long they've been friends, how long they've been coming here to chat and have coffee?

I wonder what they think I'm doing here? Or if they really care? Probably not.

I would hope to be like them when I get older.. Have friends I get together with on a regular basis, but I don't even have that now, how do I expect to have that 20 or more years from now. I fear I will feel in 20 yrs like I feel now, alone, sitting in a corner by myself.

Most times I feel so out of place in the world. Even as a kid, I never felt loved by my mom. I felt love from my friends mom, yet I find in talking to her now(my friend) that we are adults, that even her mom wasn't this wonderful person I knew. Seems she did to her some of the same things my mom did to me, verbal abuse. I had my brothers but I always felt like more of a mom to them than a sister and basically I was. I just always feel so out of place, always wondering where do I belong, who needs ME? And would I even be missed if I wasn't around, if I just disappeared someday, would anyone even notice?

Day 32 - T minus 156 and counting

I know I should be sitting here in this Borders doing research on homeschooling but I'm tired all the sudden and don't much feel like taxing my grey matter. Technology is amazing, it floors me sometimes I can be here on the net. I've always said I wonder how weird it would be for my grandmother, who has been gone 20+ yrs to come back for one day, its hard to imagine everything that has changed in that time.

So I dropped off Colin and instead of the gym I came here. Actually George was having meetings in the area, so I asked him the other day about the possibility of us getting together for lunch, worked out well actually. I didn't have work today so I hit the gym for cardio before leaving for Deerfield. Did 60 minutes on the elliptical with my cardio coach V3. I was spunky today and repeated the hill challenge and the final sprint challenge, then just ran out the timer on the elliptical.

Made a few calls today regarding homeschooling. Called BOE and I find there really isn't anything we have to do as far as registering with the county. Per the lady I spoke with she said since we aren't pulling him out of the school system totally, they don't even consider us as homeschooling him. She informs me I should have the principal contact the Asst. Superintendent of the BOE and he can guide the principal on what we as parents need to do.. Well knowing that call will never get made by the school, I called him myself, he was in meetings this morning but I explained to his secretary that I had spoken with someone at BOE and they gave me this number.. she took my name and told me I could expect a call back as to what we need to do.

Then I did some net search and found a group in Naperville that homeschools, a little network of parents/families if you will. She was quite informative and told me they have an informational meeting coming up on 12/14 at Panera. I am amazed there are really no stingent guidelines/rules for homeschooling. No curriculum's to follow, no grade levels to keep up with, about all I can get from my little bit of research thus far, is they have to be schooled so many hours in a year.. I will check the info she gave me, speak with Tom at BOE and investigate further based on my findings..

Scale did bump up too

As predicted the scale did jump up slightly... to 156.4... I just want it to hit a low and stay there but I know loss is not linear. With yesterday being leg day too, that always causes some edema issues, but I hit the water hard today so hopefully the scale gods will be kind to me tomorrow..

Day 31 - A new month

Don't Monday's, and first days of a month seem like new beginnings? Ok so maybe its just me.. Maybe I'm just tired... Today stated with a wonderful snowfall, it looked so pretty this morning.. Then reality sets in and you have to get out in it.. It didn't really snow all that much but it was a bit heavy so it hung on the bare tree limbs and looked so beautiful and peaceful before the world started to move about its day..

Got an email from Kevin Noble today.. the guest poser for the May show is Tricky Jackson. I've never seen him 'live' but on the tape of another show he guest posed at, he was awesome. Very much a crowd pleaser and performer, not like most male guest posers that just run from side to side of the stage flexing muscle, nope this guy actually put thought and time into his routine - man him and Jen could really do something wonderful. I know Kevin has asked her to guest pose again, I believe in November 2006.

So May 6, 2006 is exactly 157 days or 22.42 wks away, hhhmmm 22.42 wks away sounds like more doesn't it? Its all perception.

George put in a vitaglo order today, got me all my beverly goodies I asked for. I love their stuff, its the best bar none, just ordering it from them is so much more expensive. But when I was training with Mike I was taking Beverly, the gamit, and I honestly believe its what got me to 12% bodyfat levels and 140 pounds and full of muscle! So would be kind of a waste to take all those supps and not be preparing for a show ;o)

Today was going to do cardio only but the gym wasn't very crowded, gotta love that, so I did arms/shoulders too.

tri pushdown 4x10x40,
BB curl 4x10x25,
PCurl 4x10x35,
DBTriExt 3x10x25, 1x10x30,
DBSideRaise 4x10x15

Then I was wanting to do cardio I don't normally do, so I did 30 minutes on recumbent bike avg speed about 20mph, then 30 minutes on this elliptical like equipment called a natural runner from StarTrac, was kinda nice, it did mimic running, more so than an elliptical, but without all the jarring to the knees.

Besides maybe some ab work, tomorrow will be a cardio only day, need to rest the muscle in order to let it grow and growth is what I'm after.. Think tonight will also be a tylenol PM night, last several nights my body has been tired but my mind is racing like a sprinter and I can't fall asleep, then when I finally do, morning comes to early since I've been going in at 7:30, then the toll the traffic takes on your mental awareness, makes for a long day to say the least.. my brain feels like mush yet it won't just chill out and let me rest.