People watching

Funny the things you see/hear when you people watch. Sitting at the Borders in the cafe and its actually a pretty hopping place. Earlier two gentleman were here discussing a business venture, it all seemed to end well, then two ladies, friends I imagine getting together for coffee, were chatting and catching up with one another, talking about their kids, movies they've seen recently, the upcoming weekend events.

There is a 40ish gentleman here reading the paper drinking his coffee, might be the only time he gets some 'me' time to read his paper or perhaps he is a commuter and is trying to avoid some traffic.

Another gentleman, older, sits by the window with a stack of magazines, he's been here about as long as I have.

A young white gal with dreadlocks in her hair buying coffee. A middle age lady reading a book on John Lennon. A college student, looks like she is doing some research.

And the best is a group of 4 older gentleman that appear to come here often, perhaps once a week to catch up with each other. They have talked politics, religion, spouses, senior issues, TSA/airport issues, the ecomomy, imports/exports, world politics, its actually quite interesting listening to them. They don't seem to agree on all the issues they are discussing, yet the seem to respect the others opinions. Makes you wonder how long they've been friends, how long they've been coming here to chat and have coffee?

I wonder what they think I'm doing here? Or if they really care? Probably not.

I would hope to be like them when I get older.. Have friends I get together with on a regular basis, but I don't even have that now, how do I expect to have that 20 or more years from now. I fear I will feel in 20 yrs like I feel now, alone, sitting in a corner by myself.

Most times I feel so out of place in the world. Even as a kid, I never felt loved by my mom. I felt love from my friends mom, yet I find in talking to her now(my friend) that we are adults, that even her mom wasn't this wonderful person I knew. Seems she did to her some of the same things my mom did to me, verbal abuse. I had my brothers but I always felt like more of a mom to them than a sister and basically I was. I just always feel so out of place, always wondering where do I belong, who needs ME? And would I even be missed if I wasn't around, if I just disappeared someday, would anyone even notice?