Am I ready for this again?

an internet buddy of mine has thrown his hat into the ring to do Kevin's show in May 2006. I'm thrilled for him to be quite honest. While in the back of my head it really is something I want to do again and made plans to do it in November but let life and things get in my way, all excuses really if I wanted it bad enough I would have found a way to make it happen, I'm not sure I'm ready.

I can say I am actually starting to see my old body come back. I'm not really one to stare at myself in the mirror, huge self-esteem issues. But today while at the gym as I was walking up to a piece of equipment, I really 'noticed' myself, my arms and shoulders are coming back quickly, my back from what I can see is regaining its muscularity, but what I really noticed was my hips are slimmer, my thighs are smaller.

I do think when I am (as I was at one time) at lower bodyfat levels, I really do think I have a bodybuilders body. I look at Jen's photos from earlier this year when she was cut for her shows and while I don't have her level of muscularity, I do have that same build, wide shoulders and back, small waist. I know with my hard work and Jen's guidance with posing and such I would KICK ASS, now its just making it happen... IF that's what I really want.

And what I want is to honestly come in at my very best this time... I want to honestly say YES I did EVERYTHING I could this time around - I, with all honesty, could not say that about Nov 2004, but that didn't make that day any less special, nope not one bit, I think you coulda told me I had cancer that day and I would have just looked at you, smiled and said yeah so what about it! It really was a very very special day for me.

I'm scared I won't be able to have that feeling if I do this again, and maybe THAT is what stops me????